Dear Diary

The Seven stages of grief

Dear Diary,
Have you ever lived with pain, so long that your heart evolved and adapted to it?
As foolish you are you begin to believe it is gone, you begin to believe that you are alright and so is everything.
And you get so conversant with your pain, so much that it begins to feel like happiness. Except on the days when reality knocks on your door, your tears push open the gates of your heart,
and then all your pain comes rushing back to you as if it was a river, flooding your heart and breaking your soul.
Yes! The pain you thought you have buried comes alive to torment you, only then you will realize that it never died, it only found a good place to hide. Then, you begin to question all the happiness you had in a while and you will realise, that you were never truly happy, rather you have been pretending all along. You will realize, that you are just like the sea pretending not to feel the taste of it's salt.

Diary, you know that I am talking about myself right? Silly me, of course you know. But it's okay. I mean it's really okay, because life was never meant to be all rainbows and you unicorns you know, sometimes you need a taste of darkness to appreciate the light, and you need to know pain, just so you know how it feels to truly smile.
So, whenever your heart cries of pain, or maybe your soul drowns in the sea of your tears,
watch and learn, life is teaching you the worth of a smile.
And so I have learnt, that pain is but a teacher that will never go away until you've learnt your lessons,
Even when you do, it will keep coming back to give you tests, assignments and even exams just to make sure you never get to forget your lessons.

So, if life offers you a bitter glass of pain, gulp it down and you just wait, it will surely give you two glasses of sweet happy smiles. The bitterness is only to teach you the worth of the sweetness.

Soak my pain oh diary and take a glance at my smile, if you do see my love, tell him that I have become a temple that immortalizes our bond, tell him that my tears sometimes crawl out in search of his palm, and when they don't find it, they finally rest in mine, because I am that which is keeping US alive, forever till the beginning of the end of time. Tell him that I miss him more than...words could ever describe.

Diary, I am scared, what if Pinky was right? I hope he doesn't fall for me, for I am confused and unsure whether I will be there to catch him. Even more, the thought of love scares me. Perhaps I love my pain so much that happiness scares me. But, how do I love again? I really don't know if I will ever be able to.

Dear diary, Goodnight. I hope the chaos I pour into you doesn't wake you up at night!

With that, Aliyah closed her diary and placed it beside her pillow. She lied down on her back such that she completely faced the ceiling. She kept thinking about her life, memories and all the events that led her here. A lonely tear rolled out of her left eye and flowed slowly towards her left ear. Surprisingly, she smiled on the feel of her tear, and even she couldn't tell why. As More and more memories weighed on her heart, her smile vanished and, She began to cry. The pain sank deeper and deeper into her heart and her voice cried of agony in sync with her tears.

She buried her head in the pillow, muffled cries turned into sobs and sobs into deadly silence. No, she's not asleep yet, she just kept sinking deeper and deeper into her pain.

Will she ever be able to let go of Sameer? Maybe yes, maybe not. Alas it's not her choice to make and it's all up to fate.

That night, Aliyah was not the only one kept awake by the feelings in her heart. Hafiz too couldn't sleep, he sat at his balcony staring into the vast nightsky, and he spoke to the stars in a low tone as if they could hear.

"Here at 2am, I whisper to the stars how much I love you. Funny how I could tell every single body in the universe but not you. Hmmm" He scoffed and then went into a state of thought. Aliyah's image flashed multiple times in his head, and he kept thinking about her until sleep teleported him to dreamland.
You know what they say, that sometimes dreams are nothing but manifestation of one's thoughts, maybe that's why all he dreamed of was Aliyah.