Why Her? (SaiDa)

22 - I Wanna Be Myself

Tzuyu POV

I wish I could be myself. I wish I could be whatever I want to be, without being judged by you. But you're judging me.

You're judging me for loving someone. You're judging me for loving her.

I know what they say in the movies. You should be yourself, don't care about their opinion. But we're not in a movie and I can't be myself.

Loving her means losing you and I can't lose you because even if you judge me for being myself, I still love you. And I know you love me too.

"Do you already have a boyfriend?" My mom asks me while we're eating. I stay in silence so she knows the answer.

"Are you still in love with that girl?" My dad asks looking directly at my eyes.

I grab the cup of water to drink, but my dad takes the cup from my hand.

"Answer me" He screams. "Are you still in love with Jihyo?"

"I don't like girls, I'm not gay" I finally says and he smiles.

"I'm going to set you up with my friend's son" Dad says giving me the cup of water.

"Are you talking about Choi Yeonjun?" My mom asks and my dad nods.

"Who's Choi Yeonjun?" I ask confused.

"He's a good boy" My mom says. "He would be a good boyfriend to you. Only if you want to, of course"

I stay in silence, because I know what my mom means. I'll have to accept it even if I don't want to.

"You can tell your friend that Tzuyu wants to go on a date with Yeonjun" Mom says and turns to me again. "You're going to like him"

But my mom is not right. I'm not going to like him, because I still love you.

When I finish eating and doing the dishes I leave the kitchen and go to my room sitting on the bed.

I know I can't be with you, but I still wonder what if I could? Would I be with you?

Would you like me back?

What would be if my parents liked me for who I am?

Would I be happier?