Why Her? (SaiDa)

33 - My Fault

Dahyun POV

Does she make you happy? That's what I need to know.

I know it seems selfish, but I wish you would break up so I could have a chance with you again.

But she makes you happy, doesn't she? Then I should be happy for you. However I'm not. And why? Because I love you.

I wonder how would it be if I had realized that I love you before I lost you. Would we be together? Wouldn't we? Why wonder now? It's not like it's going to change anything.

Since I lost you, I've realized that everytime I lose something it's my fault.

When I lost Momo it was my fault. I never believed that she loved me until she finally stopped loving me.

It turns out that I lost you, because I never believed that I loved you until you finally stopped loving me. And it was my fault.

Yesterday, I saw you and Eunha at school. You looked so happy together. It could be us. When I see you smiling at her, all the hopes I still have disappear. I remember again that you love her and not me.

Although I know that you'll never read these letters, I'm still losing my time for writing them. Maybe deep down I want you to read them.

Maybe I want you to read them and realize that you still love me. It would be so good to be true. And lately good things haven't happened to me.

My grades are no longer the best at our school. And that's because I haven't studied at all.

It started with you, but it's not only you anymore. It's me.

Sometimes we feel sad and don't know why. It's happening to me now.

My mom is mad at me. She says I'm ruining my future and that I'm the disappointment of thr family. The first time she said these things to me, I tried to defend myself and tell her how I was felling. However she didn't hear what I was trying to tell her. So I gave up.

If somebody that knows me ever finds these letters, they must be surprised. I'm not known as someone who gives. However I'm gave up. I gave up on talking about my feelings so I just stay quiet, feeling them.

I don't want to put the fault in you, because it's not your fault. It was never your fault. I did so many things that I shouldn't and didn't do many things that I should have done. I guess it's my fault. And I'm okay with it. I accept that it's my fault.