A World of His Own

Chapter 6.

[Blue Lips]

Tuesday, 18th March 2018

I remembered the looks my siblings gave me when I told them their friends were bad. They looked at me as if I had grown a second head. It's funny now that I think about it, my siblings used to deem me unworthy to be their brother, because I am weird and difficult. Although my siblings used to hate me so much, on the other hand, my parents love me. Especially my father. He is my hero, motivation and my inspiration.

He told everyone that I am special and sensitive. I am a sensitive child, he said. I don't remember exectly when did I start observing people, but I just did. At one point I could easily catch when someone is happy or angry just from the sound of their sigh. I could easily notice the nature of a person, whether they are kind or not just from the way he speaks or the way he stands. When my brother's best friend betrayed him one day and befriended with others, he came to me and scolded me. He thought I cursed him.

So many things happened as a child, it makes me afraid and anxious. I've grown up into a paranoid person and when my anxiety switch is on, I can't stop it. Nights are scariest to me because I'm enveloped by thick darkness. In order to protect myself I need to highten my hearing so I can hear clearly to any sound or noise that might be alarming. Namjoon hyung's snore will only mask all of those noise and it scares me even more. Even as I'm writing this I can hear his snores very loudly and I constantly check behind me where the door is to make sure no one peeps in. Not to say I met my ex neighbour this evening and it scares me. Not because he reminded me of the past but because he's still exactly like how he was at the past.

This is a depresing page. Tomorrow Namjoon hyung will read this. I hope he won't be too disgusted by me. Toninght I will try my best to dive into the world of imagination again, so I could sleep in peace. The bed I would be sleeping on is the same as the cardboad box at my backyard. If I imagine it that way, won't it feel safer to sleep in?

Thank you diary, and just like usual taetae's checking out. purple heartzz.

Taehyung closes his diary and walks to the bed. He tucks himself back into the blanket and shut his eyes. Namjoon's warmth and the warmth from the blanket slowly fills in his chest. He imagines the little prince on the moon playing hide and seek with the rabbit. He imagines himself as the seeker and counts to one thousand.

As soon as he hit five hundreds, he heard a knock coming out from the window. Immediately his eyes shoots open to check. "It's just the wind," he whispers to himself. He shuts his eyes back and begins counting again. This time he finished it and he fell asleep, and in his dreams he might have found the little prince and the rabbit.

***

The water from the sink is running and a man is standing in front of the mirror, gargling. Kim Namjoon is the first to wake up and it is still quite early in the morning. Today is not going to be a busy day, although they are going to an interview at one in the afternoon.