Moon and Flowers

Chapter Fourteen

I watched him as he throw his key fob onto the dish, creating a squawking noise. I hid my hands beside me to stop the tremble. I can hear the silence of the room more, now that things are louder as his shoes click on the floor. He went straight to the bar counter as if he didn't see me standing before him. 

"Spade--"

Natigilan ako nang kumuha siya ng kahit anong liquor ang makita niya. He poured it full in a glass and gulped straight.

I went in front of him, picking the side of my fingers. "Spade, aren't you going to eat?"

He stopped. Hindi niya ako sinagot at matalim na ang titig sa akin. 

"What's wrong?" I tried to ask. 

Hindi siya sumagot. Tinapunan niya lang ako ng tingin at dumeretso sa kusina. Agad ko naman siyang sinundan. He left the liquor to get a glass of water and drank it straight.

"Is something wrong?" I asked calmly. "You can tell me."

He gave me his piercing glare. Padabog niyang binaba yung baso at nilapitan ako. "Kailan ka ba aalis dito?"

I blinked in surprise. He looked like he was ready to burn me to death. Did I do something wrong? I don't know what I did wrong...

"Spade..." 

I lost my voice. I couldn't stop my trembling lips as I muttered his name. I know that he wouldn't say that without a reason. Did I do something wrong again? Did I forget something again?

"How much do you need? Name your price and I'll give it just to fucking get rid of you." His piercing eyes looked down at me. 

Napaatras ako. Will he hurt me? He doesn't hurt me but I'm afraid he would. For once, I felt fear that he would hurt me. 

"Spade..." I stuttered. Please, don't hurt me. Please.

He heaved a frustrated sigh. "I'm so sick of you, Diana." 

"Spade." Pinunasan ko agad ang luha ko bago niya pa makita. I shook my head again and again, holding onto his arm, begging. "I don't know what's going on..."

"Name your goddamn price, woman. I want you gone from my sight now." His firm voice echoed around.

"What's happening? Spade..." I shook my head, gulping back my tears. "Can you tell me at least? Please? You don't mean that. You're just stressed. And tried. And... Spade. We can talk about this tomorrow. Okay? You're just tired."

He didn't say anything but his eyes spoke enough. His brows were furrowed, sharpening his eyes. He's so mad at me that I know nothing about why. He doesn't want to repeat what he said. But I know. I heard. He wants me to leave right now. 

"Spade." I shook my head. I reached for his arm, pleading.  "I have nowhere to go..."

He took his arm away from me. "You're disgustingly pathetic, Diana. I can't stand you anymore."

I wasn't able to speak. My chest is demanding air but I couldn't give even just a little something for myself. 

"Do you hate me that much?" I asked in almost a whisper. 

"Yes. I despise you and the rest of your fucked up family."

I don't want to think that it's true. He hates me for something I have no idea. 

 Am I even worthy of the life that I'm fighting for?

I tried to reach for his hand but he took it away before I could touch him.

"Magkano pa bang kailangan niyo sa'min? Bakit hindi na lang ikaw ang binenta nila?" He blurted out.

"Spade." It hurts.