Moon and Flowers

Chapter Thirty-seven

"I'll go." I presented myself when Ate Sally asked to get my wife's belongings.

"Magpahatid ka sa driver, Kyleus," Mom advised. 

"I can go on my own."

Mom was persistent so I didn't argue further. I let the vehicle drive me away. Back to where we called our home. 

When I got in front of our unit, I hesitated to tap the keycard. I can't do this. The image of my wife waiting in the living room, greeting me with the brightest smile on her face telling me about dinner. But as soon as I opened the door, it was empty. Not a sign of her waiting for me. 

What I saw instead, the withered flowers sitting in the living room. By the kitchen, her moon apron. The coffee machine. But I couldn't dare to walk inside my room, even into the closet. I feared I wouldn't see her anymore.

I swallowed hard as I turned the knob of the door open. The closet. Her bed. This daybed that I always found her serene. By the morning or night, it didn't matter. Because it was true. I found her when she was sleeping. I longed for her when she was sleeping. 

I was about to walk past the bed when I saw the rings of a notebook hiding under the bed. It's her notebook. She brought it every day in the kitchen, reading as she cooked my breakfast. In that notebook, she said she wanted to befriend me. And I wish I agreed sooner.

My phone vibrated. Nick Colmar was calling. I picked up the phone, not muttering anything. Because if I speak anything about her, I'm afraid I would break into tears before I even say her name.

"Hello? Kyleus? Kasama mo ba si Diana?" He sounded restless. "Please excuse me for interrupting you this early. Napanaginipan ko kasi si Diana..." It took him a while before he continued. "She didn't say anything... She just... she just smiled at me. And..."

He didn't continue further. 

I couldn't say no because I don't want to face the truth that she was not with me. Not anymore. And I don't want to say what I needed to say. The ringing in my ears kept going louder when I remembered it again. When the nurse declared the time when she has gone away.

"Kyleus?

I gulped, my heart racing back and forth. "She's gone."

There. I said it.

"W-What do you mean?" He stuttered.

I don't have to repeat what I said. I don't want to accept it. Before my tears could break free, I spoke once more.

"I can't speak right now, I'm sorry. Please do me a favor to tell Madison and some of her friends. I'll send you the details by the morning. Thank you."

His line went quiet. I ended the call. Before the presence I imagined her being around, I opened the door of her closet. It's there, the white dress facing right in front of me. She prepared it already. I took it and laid the silk cloth on my hands. Her scent, the smell of a morning in May, the smell of rosewater.

In the middle of her dress, I found a familiar round paper. Her moon notepad. The ink of a black marker engraved her handwriting on the notepad. I peeled the note she left on the dress.

this is the dress he first told me I was beautiful

The dress she wore on my father's birthday. The dress she always wanted to try on. She loved it. I remembered her eyes while staring at that dress display at the mall. I remembered seeing it on her computer, added to her wishlist while she was sleeping. 

Another call beeped from my phone. It was Ate Sally.

"Kyleus? Pabalik ka na ba? Kailangan na yung damit."