What is Home

Chapter Twenty-Six

Walking into school on Monday I found myself hiding in oversized clothes trying to hide from everyone. It doesn't really work when your friend group practically runs the school. No matter how much you try to disappear someone always has something to say to you or about you.

"Charlee Baker." I heard as I stood at my locker grabbing my things for my first class. I closed my eyes dreading this moment. The words rolled off his tongue with so much joy, but all I could think of is what Pierce had to say about him.

"Grayson." I greeted him after composing myself quickly.

"You disappeared at the party and then ignored my messages. Everything okay?" His face was concerned but I had to come up with something to combat his questions.

"Yeah sorry I kind of shut off at the party. Something triggered stuff from my past so I just needed to get away. Still dealing with it." I motioned to my clothing showing I just didn't want to be bothered today.

"You can always talk to me Charlee girl." What was so hard to understand? Didn't I just say I needed to get away? That means I want to be alone.

"I know." I said with much less emotion then I meant. I think he could sense my coldness and stopped the conversation there. He walked me to class kissing the top of my head before I walked off into the classroom not saying a word to him.

The rest of day Grayson just walked me to my classes but we didn't say one word to each other. He was trying so hard to get through to me but I wasn't letting him in. I couldn't deal with it myself. Knowing that I was pretty much just using him until timing with Pierce and I was right. I was always having an internal battle because he did make me happy. But he could never be Pierce.

"We missed you at the party Charlee." Ally sounded as soon as my lunch tray hit the table next to Grayson.

My head snapped to her all over Pierce. As much as he was trying to reciprocate to her the feelings and actions she was giving him, the uncomfortableness read on his face. I knew that no one else could read it though. No one knew Pierce as deeply as I did.

"I was there for a little." I could feel my brother eyeing me from across the table. All I wanted was to change the subject. "Alcohol consumed me and then I disappeared."

As much as I wanted to blurt out how great it was to fuck her boyfriend, I couldn't do that to Pierce. My eyes locked on Pierce and I could read the pain behind them. He hated being affectionate with her in front of me because he knew how much it killed me inside.

Reece broke up the conversation knowing how uncomfortable it was for Pierce and I. My mind got lost as everyone spoke. I pushed the food around on my tray feeling so not like myself. I couldn't even hold myself together. The longer I sat there with the voices bickering back and forth, the more I felt like exploding. I brought my hands to my ears trying to drown everyone out, but even that wasn't working. Nothing I had learned in the group home for coping with my emotions was working. I felt trapped with no place to go. I couldn't just get up and walk away because then I'd have to explain myself. That was something that I couldn't do.

I felt a hand come in contact with my back causing me to jump. It was unexpected. I turned my head to see who it was only wanting to see Pierce. Disappointment rushed over me when I saw Grayson trying to comfort me. I tried to shrug him off but he didn't get the hint. I knew that he was only trying to help but my heart had been settled on one person.

"Charlee girl." Grayson's lips were practically pressed to my ear as he spoke. It sent shivers down my spine. My eyes focused on Pierce's reaction and he had the same reaction as I did to him and Ally. "Can we please talk tonight?" His voice was quiet, sincere. "I know you want to be alone but I really want to help you." I felt his words deep in my bones. I wanted to melt but something in me wouldn't allow it.

"Come over after practice." I said lightheartedly, knowing I needed to let him in.

He placed a kiss on my cheek and I watched a fire burning of jealousy rush over Pierce. "Thank you. It means a lot for you to let me in Charlee."

I pushed the food around on my tray. None of it made it into my mouth. My eating habits had gotten even worse and I honestly don't even know the last time actual food entered my mouth. I gave half my breakfast to Lula in the morning hoping no one would notice. Retreating into myself was something that I was good at.

My emotions were overwhelmed by everything that was going on. I wouldn't like to say that this feeling was normal, but it was. It felt like I was suffocating all the time. Kind of like someone was sat on my chest and I was too weak to push the person off. The feeling had become such a part of everyday it just became normal over time. The lack of eating then started becoming an issue when I needed another way to feel pain.

As the week went on the food remained on my tray every lunch period. No one had taken notice. They were too busy being caught up in conversation to realize. At least I thought they were all too busy to realize until Ally pulled me aside after lunch on Thursday.

The jealousy had worn off a bit since the beginning of the week but it still brewed deep down in my soul, in Pierce's soul. The only issue was that Pierce was living his normal life and I was depleting away in front of everyone.

"Charlee you haven't touched your food all week. When you first got here you ate like, for a lack of better words to put it, a pig. Your plate never had a piece of food left on it. You may be the one that is known to pay attention to everything, but I also do the same. More than people expect. What's going on?"

"I'm just not hungry." I kept my answer short and emotionless. I wrapped my books close to my chest. I had begun to ditch the backpack in my locker and decided on just carrying my books instead.

"Charlee we both know that's not true." Her hand touched my arm causing me to jerk away.

"I said I'm not hungry, just drop it." I stormedoff to my next class leaving Ally in my dust.