What is Home

Chapter Thirty

Mama Charlee." Lucy said running up and wrapping her arms around me. Tears were streaming down her face and she didn't even acknowledge that Pierce was stood behind me.

"It's okay." I ran my fingers through her hair, moving the strands from her wet face. My fingers moved along her back to calm her down.

The indentations in her face gave away that she had fallen asleep and had a nightmare. There was no doubt that it was the case. I knew my sister and this is what happened almost every night.

"He's not going to hurt any of us Luc. We are safe here." I glanced back at Pierce who had his eyes focused on the floor of my room. I could tell, he himself, was holding back his emotions. Seeing a little girl cry over her father's abuse was a lot to handle. "You should go work on your homework with Luca. And actually do it this time instead of falling asleep or being on your phone." I tapped her nose as she looked up at me wiping her tears away.

"Charlee," she let out in a complaining voice.

"I know it's hard to focus after that happens, but it's the only way to move forward and you need to get your homework done Lucy. If you had listened to me earlier and done your homework, then you could have stayed with Pierce and I. But you didn't and for that you have consequences." I would always be the mother figure to Lucy. I would always be the one to discipline her.

"Okay." Her head dropped as she walked away from my room. I shut the door walking back over to Pierce.

"She always listens to you doesn't she?"

I nodded my head. "For the most part. When she knows I'm upset with her, she listens to me. She's stubborn like me though. She only listens when she knows it counts."

"Are her nightmares as bad as yours?" His hand reached for mine as I sat across from him on my bed.

"Honestly? I don't know. I just know our father is in them. She won't go into detail. But it's a nightly thing. Every night she comes in crying, waking me up and staying in here with me. Luca will join most nights as well but not as much. Sleep has never existed for me and it won't with them having the same issues I do."

"Charlee?" His thumb ran circles on the back of my hand. I encouraged him to continue. "Can you open up to me? About your nightmares?" That was one of the only secrets I kept from him. He never knew the things that sent me running to him in the mornings at the group home.

"I- I don't know." My face dropped to focus on his hands holding mine. I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. I knew if I did he'd pull me in enough to let all my nightmares loose.

"Charlee, you know if you aren't ready, you don't have to. I just-" He paused and I didn't know whether he was trying to find the right words to say or regretting his decision to ask. "Forget I even asked."

"His drugged infused veins stick out through his sickly skin. He looks like a- a zombie of sorts. There is blood always dripping from where he last injected himself. I walk into the house after school and try to run to the room I shared with all four of my siblings, but he grabs me. His skinny weak self somehow has gripped me like super glue. No matter how hard I pull it's like cement has locked my feet to the ground, and handcuffs are attached around our wrists so I can't get away. I'm screaming for help but no sound is coming out, not that there is anyone to help." I close my eyes to hold back the tears that are forming in my eyes but they fall the moment my eyes shut. Pierce's hand comes in contact with my face and I flinch away as my father's face forms behind my closed eyes. "His hand lets go of my arm but I don't run, I can't run. His hands move up my shirt and I again am screaming with no sound."

My eyes pop open and I get off the bed and run into my bathroom. My knees hit the floor in front of the porcelain bowl. The little pizza I had consumed spewed out of my mouth into the cold bowl. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and rest my head against the cold surface. I don't care how disgusting it is to be placing my face against the surface, but I'm burning up and I need the refuge.

Pierce steps into the bathroom slowly and takes a seat next to me on the floor. "I shouldn't have asked you to go back to that awful place Charlee." He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I fell limp in his arms, having no energy to move not that I want to move out of his arms anyways.

"I'm sorry baby girl." His voice is soft and sends a fire through me. Somehow just that one pet name eases the bad thoughts racing through my head. All I can picture is the smile on his face when he calls me that. How he glows when he looks at me, even when he has his arm around Ally.

"I feel like not telling you is me hiding it from you. Like I want you to know it's just-" I roll onto my back and look up at the boy whose face is focused on me as a whole. "His face is just there fucking eating me alive. It's like I can physically feel him touching me." I feel the bile rising in my throat again causing me to sit up fast and move towards the toilet again. I hold it down but don't move from the toilet. Pierce instead moves to me and leans up against the bathtub to be in view of my face.

"I think you've said enough for today Charlee." Pierce's hand travels up and down my back giving me as much comfort as he can.

"Can you open up to me?" I want to change the subject to try and get the image out of my head.

"You know I'm not comfortable talking about my past Baker." His voice is soft and hesitant.

"Do the people here know what I know Kingston?" His head shook back and forth as he stayed quiet. "What do they know?" I raised my eyebrows a little as I looked up at him. His face only read of how uncomfortable he was.

"My dad left me, and my mom couldn't fathom being alone and chose her countless amount of boyfriends over me. No one wanted me so I was taken away and here I am." I reached for his hand that was picking at the bath mat underneath me. "They wouldn't understand the details like you."

"I feel like no one here will ever get it." I sighed. "I just feel like a fucked up mess that everyone is just pretending to want to be around." I shrugged. "I know it's not the truth, or maybe it is, I don't know. My past, our pasts will always define us. It's shitty but in this school I will always be that fucked up kid."

"Fucked up yeah, but honestly it makes you so beautifully flawed in thebest ways possible."