All the Damn Time

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why do i feel like this all the time?
why can't i be happy once in a while?
these questions wander in my brain
leaving my heart full of pain
as time goes on i start to feel nothing
this feeling is known to be numbness
i just do what i do all day long
sit in my mind and read all my wrongs
i think about everyone
my friends
my family
& all the ones that hurt me
i trap myself deep in my thoughts
leaving my heart in tied up knots
how do i unravel this feeling of chaos

i always feel so damn lonely
but at the same time i want no one around me,
these mixed feelings leave me confused
one day i'm going to have to choose
whether i let someone love me or not
how can i, when i, myself, do not.

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