off limits || m.c

24: i'm not happy

it was a sunny day. it was nice, it was peaceful. until the guys woke up. i had decided to go for a run this morning.

i woke up around 7 a.m, ran until 9, came back, took a shower, ate breakfast & then it was about 10 when they woke up. we're in san francisco.

"went for a run, syd?"

"yeah."

"we barely got here, aren't you a little jetlagged?"

"no jetlag doesn't really bother me."

"didn't you get lost?"

"oh of course, i had to stop about 7 times to ask people for directions."

"oh c'mon syd. you really need to calm down."

"don't bother boys, she's always been like that," luke spills.

"oi, how would you know?"

"i had p.e with her for 3 years?"

"how does that prove anything?"

"she was friends with me before you two. so we would talk alot. we would talk alot while running together. when she was having a bad day, or something was bothering her, and we ran that day, boy would she run. she wouldn't stop & let me catch up."

"oh yeah i remember hearing you yell my name but i was pissed because ashton had a secret and didn't wanna tell me that morning. i just kept running."

"so, what's bothering you?"

"what?"

"you just admitted it. you run when you're having a bad day or when something is bothering you. the day had just begun, you can't possibly already have a bad day."

"nothing."

"if you say its nothing, then fine. its nothing."

they start getting breakfast. i just sigh really loud and rub my eyes with both hands.

"you okay?" i hear calum whisper from beside me.

"no, i don't think so."

"well you know if you're really tense--"

"no calum."

"just saying."

i got up and layed down on the couch. they have a show tomorrow, and i don't know what to do.

i see ashton walk over to me and sit behind my head.

"hello," i say.

"hi."

"how you doing..?"

"the question is, how is my BABY sister doing?"

"i...guess...i'm okay?"

"you guess? either you are or you aren't."

"i-i'm okay ash."

"promise?"

"no promises."

he shook his head.

"why won't you tell me anything anymore? i always find things out from the boys."

i didn't look at him. he stood up and went away. then i hear more footsteps walk away.

i sigh and sit up, to find michael sitting there at my feet.

"hello," he says adorably.

"hi."

"how are you?"

"i'm..okay."

"you sure?"

"no."

i look away and sigh. when i look back i see the look on michael's face.

"what's wrong?"

"you're not happy."

"i'm never happy, c'mon."

"yeah but if you were dating me, you'd be happy."

"i'm the most depressing thing. i'll just make you sad."

"no. you make me happy. very happy."

he leans in but i back up. he opens his eyes and when he sees me back up, he moves back and sighs.

"i wish you'd kiss me."

"i can't."

"if ashton sees, i'll tell him it was to make you happy."

"he won't care. don't forget michael, i'm--"

"off. limits. i know! & i'm fucking tired of it."

i sigh & rub my eyes. not this again.

"michael," i whisper since luke and calum are still in the other room, "i love you. i do. but, maybe a little too much?"

"what's that supposed to mean?!"

"sorry michael."

i start standing up with michael hugs my waist, and sits me back down, still hugging me.

"c'mon syd. don't do this to me now. i've loved you for years. years. don't break my heart." (sam smith reference aye)

i can't look at him. my heart hurts. i just hug him and after a minute i stand back up and start walking away. i look back at michael after a few steps, and i see tears in his eyes.

i go to my room. my heart is aching, my throat has a lump in it, trying to hold back tears.

way to go, sydney. you just made the biggest fucking mistake of your life.

~

a/n:

okay so the concert was AMAZING! i saw them! they weren't far away from where i was sitting. here's a picture above. you can see muke being muke af :) -mhemmo x