House of Cards | Bulletproof book 2 | A BTS Gang AU

14: Boy In Luv

"You have to come back to the house with me," Jungkook said. He was reclining on my table with his arms behind his head as the rain poured outside. We had just barely made it back in before the sky opened up.

"I can't. I keep telling you that." I looked over at him, marveling in the beautiful cut of his muscles as they peeked out from under his short sleeves. His jacket was thrown over the back of a chair along with the backpack and sweatshirt I'd taken from him.

He propped up on his elbow and turned towards me. "Yeah, you do keep telling me that, but I don't understand why. Did someone do something?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "In a way..."

If I told him about what Jin did, he'd hate him. But then when the rest of it came out, he'd hate me too. Neither was something I wanted. They were brothers and had been together longer than we had. I didn't want to ruin their relationship anymore than I wanted to ruin the one between us.

Jungkook grabbed my chair and pulled me to his side, reaching up to wrap his hand around the back of my neck. He tugged me down so that I had no choice but to look into his eyes. Deep brown eyes that I wouldn't mind getting lost in over and over again until I died.

"Whatever is going on, you can tell me."

I flinched and looked down at his lips to keep from blurting out all my secrets, then pushed away and walked to the other side of the room, hugging my arms around my chest. "You don't understand, Jungkook. Everything is different now. Everything has gotten so complicated."

I couldn't tell him who I was because I no longer felt like that girl. Whoever Natalia was, I wasn't her anymore. When he found out that we shared the same mind, would he want that person back, or Morgan? Was I even Morgan anymore? I felt closer to that name than the former. I definitely felt more like Morgan than Selene. But I didn't get to choose who I was. The mysterious doctor and AT3 had taken that choice from me. How could I tell him who I was when I didn't even know anymore, myself?

What about when Jungkook and the others found out that I'd slept with Kai? I mean, they were all obviously okay sharing me within their own gang, but what about someone outside their cluster? I rubbed my forehead at the spot of my near-constant headache.

The air in the tiny room shifted as Jungkook stepped up behind me. His hands came down on my shoulders soothingly as he stepped forward, putting his body flush against mine. I remembered that first time he'd touched me in his bedroom, when he'd helped me into my dress, and I leaned into his chest. His lips touched my shoulder, his breath fanning out across my skin before he spoke.

"Morgan, I love you," he whispered into the silence of the room. His words carried through the universe of secrets spreading between us, pushing us apart despite how hard we grasped for one another. A few more seams in my psyche unraveled at the sound of those words I'd longed to hear from him. "Nothing you can say or do will ever change that."

Hearing those words from his lips broke me. I couldn't stop the sobs that fell from me, threatening to cleave me in two.

"I love you too, Jungkook, but you don't know how bad this is."

He turned me around to face him. "If this is about you and Kai, I don't care. I came to terms with not being the only man in your life a long time ago. I don't care who I have to share you with as long as you're still mine."

"Jungkook, I'll always be yours. And that was part of what I was worried about, but it's not everything. It's not even the worst."

"Do you love him?"

The insecurity he wore on his face was new. I'd never seen him look small like that before. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe. But even that's not it." My heart pounded in my chest, feeling like a fish flopping without a medium to breathe in. I was that fish...dead already, but refusing to face the facts.