i've been trying to put this feeling into words for about a month
my head is still reeling, my world has been turned completely upside down.
i understand that i am very lucky to be self isolating
that there are people working in health who are directly in contact with the virus and witnessing the horror it's causing, watching infections become fatal and having to face that trauma every day, with no break from it, with the incredibly high risk of being infected, and i am very lucky to have no family in that position
that there are people who are still having to go out to work and risk contracting the virus for the better of the entire country, and i am very lucky that my parents are still healthy and hopefully remain so
that there are people now completely out of work and unsure how they're going to pay for anything anymore, and i am very lucky to have parents in (currently) secure jobs who can keep a roof over our heads and keep us fed and healthy
but i'm still struggling.
and i feel wrong for struggling because i know i am very lucky to be at home and out of danger for the moment
and i am not in any unfortunate position and have really no reason to struggle
so i feel guilty for hurting
and hurt more because i'm hurting that i'm hurting
and none of this even makes any sense
