i keep thinking i'm sorting out my problems and working out how to sort myself out
and then i hit another bump
and then it's back to square one all over again
and i know that's normal, that progress is a learning curve and everyone has setbacks
but i'm bored of trying
i'm bored of staying in my room all day and wallowing in my own self pity, but i can't bring myself to go outside or do some exercise to change that
i'm bored of putting on a front, of denying that i'm lonely or sad or out of control but i'm bored of reaching out first and feeling like i'm a burden, and i don't wanna inflict that feeling on others for fear of bringing them down with me
i'm bored of being scared of a virus and being kept inside so i can't see anyone but scared of things going back to "normal", whatever that is anymore
i'm bored of feeling unloved, of no physical contact and feeling unsupported, but i don't know how to explain that to family without feeling suffocated- in a way i don't even know if i want it from them, whether i'm just craving time with my friends that isn't six feet apart
i'm just bored of existing
like what's the point? we don't have a choice if we're born or not, whether we're born into privilege and have an easy life, we go to school to learn a doctored version of how the world works, we work and pay taxes, and we die
nothing positive is guaranteed
which is a pessimistic way to look at life, i know, but how can i help that right now?
i need help
i know that
and i know i need to reach out for it
but i'm bored of trying
i don't wanna be pitied anymore, or treated like i'm weak
i just
like i don't see the point
again pessimistic but i'm easily replaceable, i'm not anyone's first choice
i've been replaced before and i can be replaced again
just bored of it
...take a shot every time i've written bored
