Crawl Out of Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Come Back

"He'll get mad at you," si Jean na kumbinsidong-kumbinsido sa opinyon niya. She's even nodding her head repeatedly.

"That's for sure. Jean and I have known you for years. Kami nga nainis sa'yo na hindi mo sinabing aalis ka pala, si Iain pa kaya? Sons, he's courting you! He has the right to know simula pa lang," sabi ni Leera.

I can't think clear so I called them. May video conference kaming tatlo at kinuwento ko sa kanila ang sitwasyon. I am terribly in a bad place. Masyado akong nakararamdam ng guilt dahil itinago kong sikreto ang pag-transfer ko. I feel bad the most for Iain. Tama si Leera, deserve niyang malaman una pa lang na nalaman ko ang balita.

"I feel sorry for him, to be honest. It seems like you just led him on. May gusto sa'yo 'yong tao, e... Tapos aalis ka pala."

Mariin akong napapikit. My heart hurts. I don't know what to do. Masyado na naman akong nabulag ng selos at nagsayang ako ng ilang araw. I could've told Iain my plans during those days.

"Babalik din naman ako... But you're right. I think I just led him on."

"Hindi mo sasagutin?"

My eyes watered. I like Iain. So much. And it hurts thinking that I can't fully commit myself to a relationship right now. Aalis ako... Mag-aaral ako... I don't think I can manage to juggle two responsibilities at once.

I react badly whenever I'd get jealous... Kung sasagutin ko si Iain at kung may pagkakataon na magselos ulit ako habang nag-aaral sa ibang bansa, hindi magiging maganda ang resulta noon. I never had a relationship with anyone. Iain is the closest one I got romantically involved with.

I don't want to be selfish. I want to keep him close but I also know that I can't do that. Kung papipiliin ako, I'll choose my dreams, no questions asked. I don't want to be unfair. Iain doesn't deserve just half of my attention. If I want to commit to something, I'd do it a hundred percent. Pwede kong isugal ang ibang bagay. I could easily gamble with anything but I can't do it with Iain. He's very important to me and he deserves so much better than my unfair treatment.

"No... Dapat pala naging magkaibigan na lang kami. Dapat pala hindi na ako nagpaligaw. Dapat hindi na-"

"Shh! Stop it, Sons! Just talk to him, alright? Iain will get mad but he'll also understand. Ano man ang magiging reaksyon niya, respetuhin mo. It's your fault so you need to understand him."

I'm thankful for my friends. Dahil sa pag-uusap na iyon ay naliwanagan ako sa dapat kong gawin. I'll leave tomorrow. I can't just leave without telling Iain. That would be a total asshole move.

It's almost midnight already. I wonder if he's still awake... He'll be here in Cebu until next week. Totoo nga na china-challenge si Iain ng dad niya kasi mabibigat na trabaho na ang ibinibigay sa kanya. He's not an engineer yet but his works are for one.

I typed in a message.

Ako:

Still awake? Pwede samahan mo ako?

I prayed he'd reply. My heart pounded when instead of a reply, I got a call from him. Agad ko namang sinagot iyon.

"Where to? At this hour? You can't sleep?" bungad niya.

"Can't sleep. I don't know...somewhere with an overlooking view? You down?"

Sana pumayag. I want to personally tell him my plans. Naduduwag akong sabihin iyon sa kanya pero kailangan.

I realized that the reason why I was so hesitant in telling him my plans to move these past few weeks was because I was afraid that something will change. I was so selfish. Takot ako na tigilan niya ang panliligaw. Takot ako na biglang mawala iyong mabuting bagay na namamagitan sa amin. I was afraid of the changes. Kasi aminin ko man o hindi, gusto ko ang lahat ng nangyari. I am happy whenever I'm with him. I feel special with his efforts. But sometimes... my ugly emotions just get the best of me. I'm not yet stable. Hindi pa ako handa... And I'm afraid it will do me more harm than good if I pursue it.