Sabina Hanan
Everytime I come across her page I get a little triggered
Because I remember you said how she was ur type
And that's not ur fault
Ur ex filled up to that image
She's also known as the holy one
She's given a pious poor clean name
Leaves me wondering
What am I then
The complete opposite?
I no where near look like sabina
I'm not thin
And beautiful
I don't always wear my scarf
I don't dress like her
But your ex
She did
She was thin
And beautiful
Just like you wanted
I know you love me
I love you too
But sometimes I feel like I'm not what you wanted
But I was there when no one else was there so you just accepted it
Like I wasn't that bad but I wasn't that good either
I was okay enough
It's just how I feel
I can't help it that my mind goes to these ugly places
But I've struggled with insecurity
I've never loved myself
The spots on my face
The shape of my body
The marks on my arms
So when you comment on stuff like that and what you've told me you liked and I've seen what you had before
It makes me think that why did you settle for me. I am nothing like what pleases you
It makes me hate myself even more for not being the way you always wanted it to be
Even though you said none of this
Even though you say you love me the way I am
I can't help but hurt
And think
That at one point I'm not what he would've wanted
And that sucks.
————————————
A/N
It's been a while. I'm in lockdown in 2020 and I came across this little friend of mine. I have written a lot since my last chapter I just haven't had time to post them. But this. I wrote this about 5 minutes ago on my iPhone notes (hence the slang in it). I even updated the cover picture to something a little more grown up as I am 20 now and I started this book when I was 13.
It's my story, all the chapters are my stories. When I can't voice out my pain and worries. I open up my laptop or grab a pen or open up notes. And I start pouring out my tears through words on a screen. It's been so long, but it still hurts the same. Maybe it hurts a little more actually.
Something I learned after getting a BF is that it doesn't fill the void at all. You want it to but it doesn't. In fact it's so much more weight than before but it doesn't make me love him any less.
Anyways I hope you like this read, Sabina Hanan is a beautiful Muslim influencer for anyone who is confused.
Who knows when I'll write again...
- Samz x
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Just Forever Depressed
Poetry"Frantic and confused. Mind feels bruised. Its a connection you fused" "Mind still shaking as i continue to think, a broken heart i see in a blink.." "I'm trying to numb the pain in my heart, by numbing my arms as i start" "And even if I'm not phys...
