Just Forever Depressed

i just dont know

ever felt confused on what to do?

like it bugs you on one side but sometimes you don't care? or you get comfortably uncomfortable with the problem. an again you start thinking if it is a problem anymore? and when you look at them you just stare in confusion.....

like not sure if what your going to choose or say is the right thing to choose or say? 

an then when you say what you think, you cant seem to find a right way of saying it? that you don't want to hurt them in the process?

but you say it anyways cuz you know you gotta say it now or never..

you think that you have to find a good timing and a perfect timing?

you think you have to say it like this or this?

you think if you should text them or call them or just say it in person?

but when your off the edge an you start to feel dizzy, your brain looses an your heart controls your fingers as you tap away to what you need to say.

then when you finish talking or hit that send button you automatically feel like yours and there worlds just collided together and crashed down.is there any nice way of saying this? couldn't you just let it slip away?why did you just hurt them? these questions just nag you at the back of your mind! no matter how hard you try you cant push them way..........

so then you carry on, telling them,giving the details needed to be said, showing them you mean no harm and that your Innocent... trying to make sure they can hear your intentions as well as they can read your heart. but that's it, you hurt them, and now your hurt that their hurt cuz you couldn't show them how broken you are, your afraid of getting pitied, and you just don't want to wake up anymore.

no one understands, they don't understand how hard it is to go to sleep and then wake up when your already awake, they don't understand when you say you know how they feel, they don't understand that life had already ended for you, and they don't understand that they just don't understand!

will anyone understand?

you cant even cry, cuz eventually you feel like giving up, however when you try to start again

you fall back down

and in your mind you drown

your heart is a frown

the world starts turning brown

and you just die inside, cuz you fell back down..........

indescribable feelings they are, you don't know, i just down know.....

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-SAMZ