Burn Your Local Church

Apologies

I walked down the sidewalk; lonely as ever and guilt over washed me. A pang of guilt hit me as soon as I walked away from Cameron. This wasn't his problem. This phobia of "love" wasn't his, it was mine, and I feel so guilty for making him feel like it was his problem.

I was stopped at a corner intersection and I realized that I had never been to this cross way. A bank, bakery, fruit stand, pizzeria and variety store were placed around the main street I was walking down. I've only been coming to the Christian city for a few months; just to take a look at what I was about to burn down. I understand all I'm doing is burning down one building in a city of about a trillion buildings, but burn one building and start a riot, right?

I haven't exactly had the time to just "chill" and "hang out" in a city that first of all wasn't even mine, and secondly I didn't enjoy being in. As many times as I come to the Christian city, I hate it... I even question myself as to why I come here. I guess Lucifer's bitches are rebellious.

I really want to go back and apologize to Cameron, but I haven't once ever apologized to anyone. Even if they deserved it.

I made up my mind and turned in the middle of the sidewalk and started making my way back to where I had last seen Cameron. I know I probably looked ridiculous just randomly stopping and turning in the middle of the sidewalk. But that's just fine... Its not like anyone cares anyways, they don't even know me.

Literally.

I fallowed my steps all the park Cameron and I were at. Once I finally reached the giant park, I frantically searched through the trees and bushes that surrounded it. I caught a glance of his dark brunette hair.

I carefully swung my legs over the bush in front of me; one leg after the other. Cameron never saw me so I decided to take this chance to sprint over to where he was. I was running full speed up to him and my foot must've hit the cement too hard because he jerked his head up and his extravagant eyes met mine.

"Hi." I said out of breath as I slowed to a stop in front of the rail he was sitting on. The silver and rusted rail led to a giant skatepark. Ramps and stairs covered the, what I'd guess was once grassy area.

"Hey missy." My cheeks flushed with red when he said that but I'm sire he didn't notice since they were already red as fuck after I ran to him.

"Look, uhm, I'm like really-" I couldn't bring myself to say sorry. "I'm really-"

"You're really what?" His voice was aggressive and I could tell he wasn't entirety amused by the way I was attempting to apologize.

"I'm like, upset at how I treated you and uh like- I don't know." The words held me captive and I felt like no matter what I did I couldn't bring myself to say sorry.

"Are you trying to apologize, Jamie?"

"Uh yeah, sorta."

"Stop being difficult." He was standing up now, squared up to me. I felt insecure and vunrabel... I never feel like that.

"Okay. Well yeah."

"Well what?"

"You know..." I said hoping he'd know that I'm trying to say sorry.

"Holy fuck, Jamie! Stop being so prideful and just apologize or fuck off."

I inhaled unnoticeably and flinched at his words. "I've never apologized before, this is just....a new thing for me."

"Well get used to it because you make too many mistakes."

I fought back tears. No, no, no.  I thought. I can't cry.

"Wow, Cameron."

"Just get lost."

I looked away from Cameron and left.