𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁

c h a p t e r 3

saudade -
a portuguese word to describe ones emotional state longing for a person

i decided to make my bed and organize a few things in my room. i brushed my teeth and changed into some clothes. i wore my black converse, the jeans from last night, a light blue short sleeve shirt, and a black leather jacket.

it was about 1 p.m and we still weren't going out for a little while, so i just decided to spend the rest of the time watching some mickey mouse on our old television and writing in one of my notebooks.

after what seemed to be forever, 4 p.m arrived and my mom got ready to go. we hopped in her old blue truck and headed our way over to the dingo.

i was looking out the window and saw the park i visited last night. i smiled when i thought back to the memories.

we arrived at the dingo and it wasn't too busy, though they had some customers. we were seated at a table somewhat towards the back of the restaurant.

my mom and i were making jokes and laughing. we were having a good time together. i hadn't had a time like this ever since dad passed away. it felt good.

we were waiting for our burgers to come when i decided to bring up something. "mom can i ask you something personal?" i asked taking a sip of my soda.

"of course honey. no need to ask," she said with a bright smile on her face. "do you do drugs?" i asked bluntly. her smile faded into a somewhat upset face. 

"i want to be honest with you. i did do drugs, i won't lie, but i stopped because i knew they were going to mess me up. i am so sorry for doing that and not telling you," she said looking down in her lap.

"oh mom, it's okay. at least you were honest with me." i smiled at her and she picked her head up and smiled back. there was a comfortable silence between us. 

i was thinking about myself. i wasn't ever scared to confront anybody about anything. i was honest when i wanted to be, but i could lie very easily.

i was a tough cookie, as my dad would have said. sometimes, i still hear him when i am in my room, by myself, thinking about him.

*flashback*

i was in eighth grade at the time. still, nobody liked me for no reason at all. i would be so upset about it, i would cry.

one day my dad saw me crying and asked what happened. i told him and he just started laughing. "this isn't funny dad," i told him with a stern voice.

"it is though. i mean you got to look at it like this, kiddo. you are different than all of them but, you know what? in my opinion, being different is so much cooler than being normal. you do you kid. don't let those stupid dumbasses kick you down. you have to stand up, dust yourself off, and keep on going," he told me wiping away one of my tears.

"but what if i keep getting kicked down?" i asked burying my face into my knees. he lifted my head up. "then you have to keep standing up, dust yourself off, and keep on going. you can't let anyone get in your way. it's like if your walking and there is a tree in your way. what do you do? keep running into it until it lets you through? hell no! you walk right around it and keep going," he told me.

i smiled when he told me that. we said our goodnights to each other and i fell asleep in the matter of minutes.

the next day at school was a really good day. i did what my dad told me to do and i felt amazing. i ran home and jumped on my dad when i saw him. "thank you, thank you, thank you!" i said holding on tightly. he knew what i was talking about and hugged me back.

*end of flashback*