A one fleeting encounter

Track 1 - Tadhana

Tuesday, 2:05 am

Dear no one,

I don't usually write something whenever sadness is too overwhelming to bear. But I guess, pribelehiyo nang maituturing na nagawa ko na magsulat pa. If I could only shout it out and vent towards the one who have the guts to bring me upon in this horribly wicked life, "I sincerely loath you!", that is what I will voice out. But nah, no one's around to take the blame. They have left. I have no reason to find where they are or if they're still capable of breathing which in layman's term, alive. And, besides, It's enough that I could still carry on with my life even if no one's around to foster me. I'm my own person now.

Early this morning, I came across to a nearby store that can be seen while traveling from home and to the university to where I'm currently getting my education. Out of spontaneity, I have decided that I needed a pack of cigar since I ran out of one. I began to rummage my belonging, hoping for a single cent that can complete my needed money in order to avail a box. Pero kulang yung pera ko, yung totoo, ang malas ko ba talaga? anyway, I cannot control anything so why not vibe with it and hope for a successful way out. No, you're just a practical victim of this biased world we're all ought to survive.

In the end, I walk slowly inside the convenience store, kaunting lingon sa kanan... sa kaliwa, at nung saktong wala nang nakatingin, I swiftly managed to put the box inside the safety of my worn out bag. No, I don't usually stole anything, just to clarify. Sadyang para saakin, sa isang kapitalistang kagaya ng magarbong store na ito na mayroong milyong franchise sa mundo, barya lamang na maituturing ang halaga ng naibulsa ko. To simply put it, my morality has its own parameters that only fits to what I deem justifiable enough. Cruel? Maybe. But so does life. Kung nakakapag nakaw man ako sa isang bilyonaryo, hindi ko naman yun gagawin sa isang hamak na trabahanteng nagtitiis sa palengke para may maihanda sa hapag nila.

I walked nonchalantly towards the cashier to only pay for a gum, since yun lang yung pwedeng rason kung bakit ako pumasok dito na hindi mabigat sa bulsa para bayaran. I needed to look like a regular customer who's just normally buying a commodity. Para hindi halata. "Your change," he handed out the coins to me garbed by a smile widely plastered on his face, "thank you. Have a good day!"

I smiled back innocently to the man. I don't even felt any remorse afterwards. That's just a cigarette, no big deal, I muttered inside my mind. Or maybe, I felt a tinge of guilt and I'm just good at shrugging it off; dissociating to ease myself.

I half run as I leave the store when I saw that the bus is starting to go further, but by sheer luck, I arrived on time before I was completely left behind. While taking the bus, I brought out the book I've been obsessively reading for a while. Unmindful to my surrounding, I managed to disappear for quite some time. I take out a highlighter and begin on terrorizing the book, well for me it's a part of the journey, but surely for a literature junkies who give so much regards to a book, highlighters is the mortal enemy.

"There aren't many people who would say this about me, but the great thing about this life of ours is that you can be someone different to everybody." -Theodore finch

"If you don't mind, miss, I kind of know what you're reading." Should I say nicely that I don't care? What's with these people who couldn't mind their own business and keep their unsolicited thoughts aside?

I realized I have so much time left in surviving the entire day so why not reserve my care to the ones with greater cost. Instead of being an obnoxious grump, I limited my words with, "Yes, it's kind of a nice read." and just nodded to end the conversation. But the thing is, he couldn't take a damn signal. Is he for real?

"Sobra. Alam mo ba, hindi gaanong maganda yung naging adaptation niyan. Medyo...unsatisfying. Sayang naman no?" I clenched the page to where I was forced to stopped since no matter how much I repeatedly read the passage, I cannot take the gist of it. I kind of want to glare at him para naman matauhan itong katabi ko, but I still counted 1 to 10 before opening my mouth; praying that I will not let this inconvenience stifle my last sense of patience.

"Sorry, pero I don't usually watch adaptations. And, if kung okay lang-"

"Why? Ayaw mo ba na makita on your very own eyes kung paano naisapelikula yung nasa imahinasyon mo lang?" I'm starting to get terribly offended by his inability to take a hint. At passionate pa siya while speaking, as if I look like I'm genuinely interested in conversing with him. Seriously, how could I make him stop?

"Kasi, ganito yan, para saakin, I've already known the plot and every characters' arch so there's no thrill left for me to cling on any longer." Stop...please. I hope he does, and if he don't, I'll no longer contain this withheld blunt side of me inside. I will be frank and shove into his face how much of a nuisance he is.

"But, still, you're missing out something. Alam mo yun, parang sa isang journey towards your specific itinerary. Though, nakita mo na yung pupuntahan mo, you didn't savor every moments attached to it. Nag stop kana after mong ma-satisfy yung curiousity mo. And you didn't notice that maybe, meron pa palang igaganda yung lugar."

"Or maybe, it's a danger to explore for more than where your itinerary should have been ended. But anyway, you're missing out something den, libro lang ito at hindi educational trip." I now speak with much finality. Siguro naman narinig niya na nanaiinis ako sakaniya.

"But reading is a one way of escaping from where you're normally bounded. Just a thought. Sorry if I got into your nerves." He plainly stared and waited for me to take his apology. It's apparent that I'm uncomfortable with him, yet he still tried to carry on with his own sentiments while disregarding that. So instead of answering, I gathered my things and placed it inside my bag. Making him feel that I'm no longer taking anything coming from his mouth.

Huminto na din yung bus na sinasakyan ko, at sumigaw yung konduktor ng kung sino na ang bababa. I wave my hands and shouted, "Ako po!" and then excused myself for him to make way in order to find a spacious space for my feet to walk on.

"Sorry talaga." I heard him once more before I got into the door. I can feel that he's still staring, and after my unsuccessful fight with my urge to just right away usher myself out, I took a slight turn and took a good look; barely enough to memorize his face. Maybe I'm just trying to ready myself for future disturbances if this same man will ever present himself again serendipitously.

...Or maybe, the oddity of him at that moment is such an anomaly to my daily routine of being unseen by almost everyone I come to meet.

Always,
C.E.F