A one fleeting encounter

Prologue

I'm still in the height of intoxication and this man whom I haven't seen for years is suddenly in front of me. I chugged the whole glass of wine and tried to pour again another serving when his piercing eyes darted its way through me. I know it when he does this reassuring thing. No, not now. I'm unworthy of it.

"To see you at your ugliest is the most beautiful thing for me. It's a privilege and a gift to know that not everyone has the chance to lay their eyes with this kind of awe whenever they're with you. Believe me, it's a marvel." He said with a hint of tears glimmering from his eyes. He's smiling, probably faking it and I can already tell he's failing miserably. No, I'm not beautiful. There's no profound beauty in the body of a wasted drunkard woman which right now is me.

"I hate it when you say this kind of words. It makes me sad and hopeful, which I shouldn't be in the first place. Not because I forcefully tell myself to deny you, but because I no longer deserve the kind of treatment that you always give," Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko, sa mga panahon na 'to, hindi ko maisip na makikita ko siya. Ulit. Not now; not when I'm still finding the right words to redeem myself at least to him. "ewan, matagal na siguro para sayo pero, alam mo yun, hindi..."

"Hindi?" Sana kasi may pasintabi manlang kung anong mangyayari sa buhay natin? A kind of foreshadowing that can be read in a well-written novel. At least May paghahanda, no matter how fake it will seem. Mahirap mangapa..at lalong mas mahirap magpaliwanag sa tanong niya.

"Hindi pa rin ako kumportable sa kahit na sino. Lalo na sayo ngayon. I mean, after some years of being with myself alone, I realized, company of somebody still isn't my thing."

"Alam ko. You probably think you're a messed up woman right now. Someone that doesn't amount of something with great value. Someone who wouldn't be missed even if you disappeared. Wala ka paring pagbabago," He momentarily halted as if trying to find the right words, "but, lahat naman tayo ganon yung nararamdaman? Ang kaibahan lang, iba-iba tayo ng pagpapakita. And yours is the worst, by the way."

"Because I left people hanging? Oo, I know damn too well." I muster a half-baked grin. Fighting the urge to stand up and gather my things while braving to walk alone in the midst of the night while shivering in cold.

Masakit pala. Or should I say, may isasakit pa pala pag nanggaling na sakaniya. Why on earth did the heaven permits to let our paths get crossed again?

"No. Because your presence isn't something that can be easily filled by anyone."

"Lubayan mo nga. I wouldn't laugh, you know how hard it is to make me laugh, so if you're humoring me with your tacky hugot might as well siglahan-" he cut me off mid sentence and abruptly stand. I can clearly see from my peripheral the odd stares coming from those seated around us. I reached for his hands; signaling him with my eyes to sit down because of the scene that we're causing but he tried to pull it away before I even reach it. Did I said something wrong?

"I don't. And I know that you know it by now, I don't need to put up a show just to tell this once and for all. Celise, where the fuck have you been?" Cool, he lost his temper. Bummer. What a sight. As if I don't know that this is how things should supposedly happen. Hindi talaga dapat ako pumayag na magusap kami, because I can now clearly feel the impending doom working its way out of him.

"Great. Yes, I admit. I'm wrong....and I'm over it,"I casually stand up while not breaking the eye contact with him. I need to carry this persona for a while, arch. The indifferent and couldn't-care-less one so it would be a lot easier for you to hate me and leave, "let's get out of here."

Nauna na akong maglakad palabas ng pinto sakanya. Hindi ko alam kung susunod siya or hindi. Part of me wants to see him walking towards the same direction I'm currently walking and half of me wanted for him to be consumed by the abhorrence to veer away from this. Hate me and just move on.

"Hey....I'm sorry?" 

Why are you still so awkward? Haven't you already developed a man inside this grown up person in front of me? And shouldn't I be the one who's delivering the remorseful speech? But instead, being a shameless person that I am, I gave in and seize the fleeting moment. I stopped walking and composed myself before turning to meet his glare once more. "Ngayon na lang tayo nagkita, aawayin pa ba kita?"

"So, does this mean, you're letting me to at least walk you home? To wherever that... may be." He is now trying to lift his mood, the clear line of rage in his mouth earlier completely vanished. In a spur of the moment, he became the same stupid flake I once met.

"Sige, but, no talking of any past grudges?" Please,say yes? I want to savor this moment. Well, to be fair, it might probably be my last chance for a fateful encounter with him. Natagalan bago sya sumagot so I carried my message across before the awkwardness pervades, "one word, and I'm allowing you to peacefully walk me home so seal the deal, mr. Gonzales."

Napakamot siya bago nagpasya. And with so much anticipation, he dared not fail me again. He really knows me too well to feel this deeply ingrained longing. Well, he's archiel after all.

"Alright."