A one fleeting encounter

Track 10- Araw Gabi

Tuesday, 2:05 a.m.

Dear no one,

As we both stared from the ever changing sight of the night, I focused on the stars. I seated with him by my side and soulfully felt the dangling truth: it doesn't shine for everyone and it's okay.

It's okay because as it holds no responsibility, so do I. It shone brightly with no expectations to be seen yet people saw it. Not because they wanted to, but they're just rather bored and absorbed by their own thoughts of it. All for personal reasons still.

What a freeing thought.

So, maybe, I can exist by myself now without always standing at the ugly side of the spectrum. I will just live all for personal reasons and in a non pretentious way. And be happy, hopefully.

"Alam mo, ang peaceful dito, no. Parang hindi tayo parte ng maingay na mundo." He said while showing something in his face that is either sad or happy. In between?

"Oo nga eh, parang naka-separate tayo kahit sa mga sarili natin. We don't feel as down and as sad than we were while being down there. I hope we can freeze this time. I hope we can stop him," itinuro ko yung nagpapatakbo ng ride, "kahit ngayon lang."

Napangiti siya nang ituro ko yung operator. He then faded again to his own thoughts when his eyes were once again drawn to the sky, "But I cannot be fully happy when I know that there are people who're suffering, crying, lamenting. I just can't stomach the feeling of this guilt... the feeling of, well,"nagaalinlangan siya bago banggitin ang huling mga salita, "being too absorbed by my own well-being."

"You're not selfish by feeling good. I mean, you've earned that happiness, because you also make other people feel it. Kahit 'di mo nare-realize." I smiled at him, while preparing for the halt of the ride we're both occupying.

Hindi siya sumagot agad, and I was taken aback when he did, "character development naba 'yan? You're not as pessimistic as you were before. What made you changed?"

He said it without holding back, which is kind of strange. I'm not really used to people questioning my perspective on certain things. Tanging siya lang ang may kayang deretsahin ako, pati mga pananaw ko.

"You said it yourself, remember? Everyone can be different even within a limited scope of time. Minutes, seconds, milliseconds, it doesn't really matter," hindi na siya nakasagot matapos, at hindi na rin ako naghintay ng maitutugon niya bago magsalita ulit, "and I vow to myself that whoever I will be, darating din yung time na wala na silang control sa 'kin; sa kung sino ang magiging ako. Things wouldn't be everything about them anymore. Hindi na nila sakop lahat ng espasyo sa buhay ko."

"Yung parents mo?" Napatingin siya nang malaman niya kung sino na yung tinutukoy ko, at ngumiti ng may mapagtanto, "I think that time already came. I think... you've achieved it. Parang nagawa mo na."

"Yeah, I managed to have a place on my own. Kahit maliit lang, pero, that place is the only one where they're all nowhere to be seen; where their shadows wouldn't be able to lurk... it is not as scary as it was used to be now that I've grown comfortable with being alone. I've never felt more safe pa nga, eh."

"Ang ironic pala, you only felt the safest when the people whom you should feel at peace with weren't around. I'm happy that you've grown strong enough to choose yourself."

"Really? Kahit 'di mo naman ako gaanong kakilala? How can you say that?"

"I've known the person in front of me the way she presented herself. And it's true, kahit minsan puno ka ng doubts like me. But in a different way, kaya siguro naiintindihan ko rin."