ᴇᴜᴘʜᴏʀɪᴀ •• ғᴀɪʀʏ ᴛᴀɪʟ¹ ✓

158

At the time of great loss, your world gave way to sights and sounds of horror. It was as if you were walking in the street and a truck ran you down emotionally. The loved ones were gone but you were still here. And you asked, how can that be? The lost will impact every part of your being. Not only you cannot think straight but activities run on automation.

To call it, walking in a daze didn't approach the dark clouds that amassed inside of your skull. There was a mental tornado in there, which no one can see nor comprehend. One may shut down for weeks, even months. Then, one day, the lost gravitated into new reality.

You were not the only to suffer and you realized that this was not the last time you will encounter great loss. At that point, all memories connected to the lost one will become bittersweet. You can remember all the good times, relive them and still move on with your life. This horrible experience hadn't crushed you but you were enriched by it.

It was a cruel reality of life that a heart can keep on beating even after it had been broken in two or more. It can feel as though it was being gripped in an ice cold vice and ached as if it will implode in her chest, but still the beat continued. The nausea swirled unrestrained in her empty stomach. Her head swarmed with half formed regrets.

Blaire's heart felt as if her blood had became tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat when her body was shaking because of those tears. Her melancholy mood hung over her like a black cloud, raining her personal sorrow down on her every second. Even the colors of the world were drab to her now and the silence grated her nerves.

Her heartache was like a wolf eating her chest, tearing it's way to her trembling heart. It threatened to devour her, eat her whole and leave nothing but scraps behind. But Blaire refused to be the scraps she was afraid to. She would rebuild herself and fight off the wold but right now, she didn't know how.

So she did her best to ignore it, she booted up her spirit and played her favourite game, pretending to be alright. Her heart longed to fly again, to stretch its wings and soar and see the vast possibilities of life and happiness laid out before her. But it stayed locked up in its frozen prison, afraid to pick the lock or try to break the bars.

And the wolf tore her heart even more.

Her heartache had rung her out until she was dry inside. No more tears would come. Her insides still felt as raw as if a winter wind was blowing right through her skin. The last scene haunted her, taunted her, replaying like an echo. His last words. His last 'I love you'. She missed it already. She kept the curtains of her heart closed so that she wouldn't have to witness life going on as usual.

How could she do that when her world had crumbled? The grief surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by her long intakes of the empty atmosphere. No more tears began to spill from her helpless eyes onto the floor.

Her gaze was empty. In that moment, the sure knowledge that life would go on without him, Mavis, her sons, that time was only stopped for her, undid her completely. All pretence of quiet coping was lost and Blaire sank to the floor not caring about anything else. Grief was something dangerous. Everyone coped with it differently.

For Blaire, it gave her this heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulder and there's nothing she can do to get out from under it. It's like this hole in her heart that was the shape of the ones she lost and that made her felt the need to wipe away any non existent tears that she wanted to form more but couldn't.

Blaire was numb as she was leaning against a wall, curling up into a miserable ball. She was lost. The silence in the guildhall was really foreign to Fairy Tail and it was strange for her. She put her chin on her knees and rocked her body slowly to sooth her pain by herself. Zeref was gone and all she had was herself.