Cruel Summer

7. The Feeling I've Got

Since we're close to the ocean there's always a cold breeze at the end of the afternoon, so I put on my jeans jumpsuit with a yellow cardigan underneath. I don't know why most people don't like yellow, it's definitely my favorite color. I leave my hair loose around my shoulders and apply just a little bit of mascara before heading downstairs. As I get there, my mom is braiding Aaliyah's hair while Karen is looking for something in the kitchen. Zayn and Shawn are playing video games and laughing, which makes me wonder why my brother was angry with him that day I saw them in the pool. Apparently they're okay now, so I make a mental note to ask one of them about it.

 " Found it!" Karen yells entering the living room with her car keys. " Let's go!"

 We walk outside to her car, which is bigger than my mom's, but one of us still has to go on someone else's lap. Aaliyah argues with me because she's always the one who goes on my lap, so I end up sitting on Shawn's lap in the back seat as she smiles at me. I don't know if she did this on purpose or not, but knowing her she probably planned the whole thing. I lean back against Shawn's chest as he wraps his arms around me and places a kiss on my neck that doesn't go unnoticed by anyone in the car. He doesn't seem to care anymore about being affectionate in front of our families, and even though I'm pretty sure what this means after our kiss earlier in the pool, I still want to hear him say it.

 As the car stops in the restaurant's parking lot, we step out and I feel Shawn taking my hand in his. He intertwines our fingers as we walk inside and I can't help but smile at the sweet gesture. This is new to me, and apparently to our families too, because I see Zayn looking surprised at us. He already knows there's something between us, but I'm pretty sure he's not used to see Shawn being so sweet to a girl, specially in front of his family. A waitress leads us to a table in the middle and I end up sitting between my mom and Shawn, who puts his arm around my chair. I see Karen smiling at us as we read the menu, making me remember the talk we had earlier. I know she's right, maybe I should be careful with this so I don't get hurt in the end, but everytime I look at him all I want to do is go with it. I guess at the end of day I don't care if I get hurt, as long as I have him at least for a bit. That's the kind of effect he has on me, I tried dating other guys after last summer, but none of them would even get close to make me feel how Shawn does. I'm not stupid, I know he for sure dated many girls during this time too, but sometimes I wonder if he ever thought about me while he was with any of them. I wonder if I made that big of an impact on him as he did on me, and right now I can't help but think I did because he can literally have any girl he wants, but here we are again in this same situation.

 " Zayn, are you excited to leave for college?" I hear Karen ask my brother.

 " Yes, I mean I'll miss California for sure, but I can't wait to go to Scotland." He says smiling at her.

 " He'll miss California, but not his family." My mom says teasing him and making everyone laugh.

 My brother is leaving for Scotland in september, he's been accepted at the University of St Andrews, and even though he always talked about studying in another country, we were all still surprised when he decided to go to Scotland. He always knew exactly what he wanted, the total opposite of Shawn, who decided last minute where to go. I guess in the end all of us want to leave California, but I'm still stuck here one more year.

 " Well, Shawn is leaving too, and I bet Camila is planning on doing the same next year." Karen says including us in the conversation.

 " Connecticut is still in the country." Shawn complains.

 " In the other side of the country." Aaliyah says dramatically. " You'll forget about us for sure." 

 " So you admit you're going to miss me." Shawn teases her.

 " That's not what I said." She says annoyed, but I can see she wants to laugh.

 " I don't know what's wrong with the California universities. I'm trying to convince Camila to stay but she already made her mind up." My mom says taking a sip of her red wine.

 " So you still want to go to New York?" Karen asks me. I nod my head and when I'm about to say something I get distracted by Shawn putting my hair behind my shoulders. " New York is not that far from New Haven, you know." She says implying what have already crossed my mind as I feel myself blushing.

 If I do go to New York, Shawn and I will be a lot closer than we are here in California. We always see each other here in Laguna Beach during summer, but during the rest of the year there's five hundred miles separating our families. Our moms met in college in San Diego, but after Karen got married she moved to San Francisco. We've been there a couple of times, but not that many since Shawn's dad bought the beach house here. I know it's crazy to hope we'll have something when I leave for college, but you never know what can happen in a year.

 " I guess Aaliyah is your last hope." I say before anyone can comment on what she just said.

 " It's too soon to think about that." Karen says laughing a little, clearly noticing my subtle change of subject.

 Shawn doesn't seem bothered about the small jokes Aaliyah does about us during the rest of the night, which just confirms what have been on my mind since this morning. Is it crazy to think that he actually have feelings for me? I always thought he only wanted me for the physical part, but the way he's been acting is telling me the opposite.