Cruel Summer

18. Cut the Headlights

[Camila's POV]

- 6 months later -

 Driving back to Karen's beach house feels so much more difficult this summer. Not because I'm the one driving this time, but because I'm not ready to face the mess that I made. My mom is sleeping in the passenger seat as Zayn and Charlotte, his new girlfriend from Scotland, are in the back talking. I like her, but it makes me sad that he ended things with Olivia, we became close friends after all. It was pretty hard on her, which I wasn't expecting since she always acted like it was just a fling. Her family will be spending summer in the same house, so we'll see each other again. I just hope she doesn't have to see my brother with his new girlfriend, but that's probably going to happen. I stop the car in the driveway, but as everyone gets out of the car I just stay there trying to breathe.

 " Aren't you coming?" My mom asks through the window.

 " Yeah, I just need a minute." I say looking at her.

 I don't know if I'm ready to face Shawn, I miss him more than words can describe, but I don't know if he'll be too pleased to see me. We haven't spoke in six months, he respected my wish and didn't contact me, even though I know that left him brokenhearted. I'm scared he won't even look at me again.

 I get out of the car to see Zayn taking my suitcase inside, and when I look at my side I see Karen's car, which means they're already here. I take a deep breath before walking to the front porch and getting inside the house, but nothing prepared me for the sight in front of me. Shawn is laughing with Zayn and Charlotte in the living room, it's been so long since I last saw him that it feels almost like a mirage. I take a step back, not ready to actually talk to him, but he sees me before I can leave. A smile appears on his lips as he looks at me, but this is not his usual breathtaking smile. This one has almost a sad feeling to it, like seeing me is breaking him even more. I smile back as I feel a single tear roll down my eye, but then I take my suitcase and go upstairs, not being able to face him. I sit down at the bed as the tears I was holding back finally make their way down my face.

 " Mila?" I hear my brother's voice coming from the door. He opens it and sit next to me on the bed before hugging me. " I think you two need to talk."

 " What if he hates me?" I say crying on his shoulder.

 " Are you kidding me? Shawn is crazy about you. You broke his heart into a million pieces, but he's still downstairs worried about how you're feeling."

 " Can you ask him to come here?" I say quietly. He nods his head and go out leaving me alone again.

[Flashback]

 I end the call and lay on my bed sobbing until I have no tears left to cry. I thought this was the best option at the moment, the right thing to do in order to protect my heart. But if it really is, then why does it hurt so much? I can't believe I just broke Shawn's heart so mine could be fine, the thing is, it feels like I just broke both of our hearts. I knew this was going to be hard, but I had to do it.

 " Darling, what's wrong?" I hear my mom's voice as she stands in the doorway.

 I try to say something, but instead I start crying all over again as the talk we had on the phone replays in my head. She walks to where I am and hugs me tightly as I try to breath.

 " I talked to Shawn…" I say quietly as she pulls away from the hug to look at me.

 " Finally, I hope everything is okay between you two." She says smiling at me.

 " I told him we should take a break." I say looking away from her.

 " Wait, what?" She asks confused. " Why?"

 " I can't focus on anything else if I keep talking to him without being able to actually see him. I love him, mom, but I feel like this is the right thing for my heart right now."

 " How did he take it?" She asks sadness spread across her face, after all she does love Shawn as her own son.

 " I think I broke his heart." I say as my eyes get teary again. " I don't think he'll ever forgive me for doing this."

 " You're wrong, honey. That boy loves you, he'll come to you in a heartbeat if that's what you want."

 " I hope he still feels that way in six months." I say as I lay down again.

[End of the flashback]

 I'm looking at the beach through the window as I hear a knock on the door.

 " Come in." I say quietly as I turn around to look away from the window.

 Shawn walks in and closes the door behind him, but never looks me the eyes. His back rests against the door as his eyes fixate on the ground. When he finally looks at me, he has almost a pleading look on those beautiful hazel eyes, like he's begging me not to break his heart again.