Cruel Summer

26. We'll Just Screw It Up

[Camila's POV]

Two weeks after the party I'm a total mess. Shawn and I realized we hadn't used protection too late for me to take the morning after pill, so I've been feeling like I couldn't breathe since then. My period is supposed to come next week, so I'm not late but we're both still freaking out. We didn't even have sex since then because we're too scared to do so.

 The week passes slower than usual and when the day that period has to come arrives I feel like I can pass out every second I wait for it to happen. Shawn is just as nervous as me and keep asking me all the time about it.  Two more days passes and I start to really worry about it, my period is extremely regular, I'm never late.

 " You should take a test." Shawn says as we sit on my bed.

 " What if it's positive? I can't." I say as tear rolls down my face.

 " Hey, I know you're freaking out, but what if it's negative? We'll never know if you don't take a test." He says holding me in his arms. " Look at me, whatever happens I'm here."

 I nod my head and hug him tight as more tears form in my eyes. I can't believe this is happening, I can't be pregnant at eighteen. I haven't even started college, this is not supposed to be happening.

 We drive to town to buy the test and I don't think I have ever been more nervous about anything in my life. It's like I'm about to throw up at any second. As we walk inside the store and find the section where the pregnancy tests are, I feel the woman in the balcony looking at us in a judgemental way. We take two just to make sure, and as I look next to where they are I see the condoms section, which almost makes me scream out of frustration. Shawn pays for them as the woman looks at us like she wants to say something, but then decides on not to. Getting back to the house, we go upstairs to my room trying to act normal and hiding the bag where the tests are. I read the instructions and do everything like it says in it, and then we sit waiting for the time to pass so we can see the results.

 " Ready?" Shawn asks when the time is up.

 " No." I say looking at him. " Can you look at it and tell me? I don't think I can't do it myself."

 He nods his head and walk to the bathroom as I follow behind him. I sit in the toilet as he takes the two tests in his hands.

 " So?" I ask as he looks at it confused.

 " The first one is negative." He says, but before I can smile he speaks again. " But the second one is positive."

 I try to talk but nothing comes out, I just feel tears rolling down my face. He kneels down in front of me holding me in his arms. I don't know what to think, which one is the right one? I know is very rare to have a false positive, but false negatives are very common, so I can't help but assume the worst.

 " Maybe we should go to the hospital tomorrow so you can take a blood test, that's the only way we'll know for sure." Shawn says cleaning up the tears in my face.

 " Okay." I manage to get that out between sobbs.

 We lay in my bed for the rest of night and when Shawn goes downstairs to make me some tea, my mom shows up at the door.

 " What happened? Are you okay?" She says getting in before Shawn can stop her. " Were you crying?"

 " I'm fine, mom." I say trying to think of an excuse. " I just have a strong headache. Shawn is going to find me some aspirin."

 She seems to believe me and kisses my forehead before following Shawn downstairs saying she'll make me something for the pain. I just lay there trying to pretend this isn't actually happening, and after awhile Shawn comes back with a cup of camomile tea and the aspirin, even though I don't really have a headache. I feel calmer after drinking the hot tea and then lay down again in his arms until I feel myself falling asleep.