Cruel Summer

17. Worst Thing You Ever Heard

[Shawn's POV]

 Things seemed to be going well at first, I was doing great at my classes and I was dating the girl of my dreams, even though we couldn't see each other in person. As the months passed by, I could feel Camila was getting more distant and started to avoid me, which affected me so much that my grades went down too. I tried everything, I called her mom, I called Zayn, I called everyone that I could think of, but none of them convinced her to talk to me. I'm so confused, I don't get it. We love each other, then why does she has to complicate things even more? I can't believe I finally got her, just to lose her right after. When december starts, she finally answer one of my calls, but I don't know what to expect. 

 " Shawn?" She says with hesitation at the other side of the line.

 " Mila, what are you doing?" I ask confused.

 " I don't know, I'm sorry." She says and I can hear she's crying.

 " Hey, what's going on? Talk to me." I say as her sobs fill the line.

 " Please, don't get mad." She says still crying.

 " Why would I get mad at you?"

 " Shawn, I think we should take a break." She says quietly, barely a whisper, but it's like a ton of bricks just hit me.

 " What?? Mila, you're not making sense."

 " I can't keep doing this, I can't talk to you just on the phone, it's breaking me." She says between sobs. " And I don't think we should see each other on Christmas, I can't do another goodbye." 

 " Mila, please." I say realizing I'm also crying. " You can't do this."

 " I'm not breaking up with you permanently. I just need a break for now. Please, Shawn. I love you, but this is killing me."

 " You can't be serious right now." I say in disbelief.

 " I'm so sorry. I don't want to break your heart, but mine is already broken right now and I don't think I can't take that anymore."

 " Camila, I love you so much…"

 " I know you do, and I love you just as much, but…"

 " Then why are you doing this?" I cut her off. " We can work this out."

 " Shawn, I can't." She says as my heart aches. " Maybe next summer we can talk this over again, but I need time."

 I don't even have the chance to say anything else because she ends the call. I try to call her but she goes back to ignoring me. I lean back on the wall and feel my body slid down until I'm sitting in the ground. I don't even care that I'm crying in the middle of the hallway as other students pass me by. I was so careful to not break her heart, but she ended up being the one to do that to me. Maybe it's karma because I was playing her at first and took a whole year to man up and admit my feelings. When I'm finally able to get up, I walk to my dorm and skip my next classes. Later that night my mom calls, I'm pretty sure she already knows.

 " Hi." I say taking the call.

 " Shawn, sweetheart. Sinu told me. How are you feeling?" She asks with hesitation.

 " I don't know, mom." I say starting to cry all over again. " She said it was just a break, that it wasn't permanent, but then said we could talk about it next summer. How am I supposed to not talk to her until summer?"

 " Darling, I'm sure she'll come around. She's just confused and hurting just as much as you."

 " I know, but why can't she have faith that we can work this out?" 

 " I don't know, darling. Just give her some space and she'll come back. She loves you, I know she'll come back."

 I felt like crap the rest of the month, and everything got worse when I flew to San Francisco for Christmas, because I knew she could be here and chose not to. Last year not being around her was killing me, but that was my fault. Right now this is killing me even more because I don't have a choice, she made that all by herself and left me here to miss her. When I go back to Yale after winter break, I know this is going to be a long semester and I'm not ready at all for that.

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A/N: Sorry, please don't kill me... 😬