Jade i sigh looking out of the window, the past couple of days have been so upside down that i don't think i've ever felt worse in my life. i've lost everyone. first Niall and Aria along with all my best friends then a day later me and my mam got in a huge argument and she kicked me out all because i weren't sure on what to do about a text message Jeds mum had sent me but then i had no where else to go so i went and visited her and i've been here since, but it just feels wrong. it feels like nothing is ever gonna get good again that this is it my life is all just going to be down hill from here because nothing could be worse and all i care about is how Niall is feeling is he doing okay? does he want to see me? does he still love me? would he take me back?. of course i'm thinking about my baby too but i just want to know how Niall feels so then i know wether my life is ever gonna go back to normal. i jump as my phone bings next to me i slowly pick it up my eyes widening when i see the name but i do what it says just going as slow as i can the feeling i felt when i went back to my mams the other day all coming back to me i grip onto the door handle as best as i can my hands feeling out of control because of the shaking that won't stop but as i finally open the door i nearly collapse "hi, can we come in?" Niall asks my eyes widening as him and Perrie stand there i just slightly nod moving out of the way to let them in and secretly being thankful that Jeds mum is currently out. i lead them into the dining room them sitting on one side of the table and i decide to sit on the other "how did you find me?"i mumble keeping my eyes on the table "paps" Niall says his voice sounding even more hurt than it did a few days ago "how did the surgery go"i mutter slightly looking up Nialls looking around mostly staring at the roof while Perrie is comforting him "alright" he mutters back i don't think i've ever felt more awkward around the both of them and usually these two are the people i feel most comfortable around which just breaks my heart even more, i've lost my two best friends. "we're just here because well at first i did wanna tell you that i wanted you to come back soon but then i got told you were with Jeds mum and i thought wow she still has every connection to him" Niall says but now with a hint of anger in his voice my mam told me this would be how he reacted when he found out i even had Jeds mums number still but i thought maybe he wouldn't but i guess i was wrong. "i guess it just hurt me more" he sniffles and i realise he's started to cry but is looking up so it isn't obvious "so after speaking to everyone i guess i've kinda made a decision if you like" he says wiping his eyes and once he brings his hands down Perrie grabs one in support slightly making me jealous because i wish i was able to hold his hand and he wouldn't flinch "for now i don't wanna talk until tour starts back up again, i might change my mind but right now i'm just not ready to go back to normal" he says breaking down as he ends his sentence and i can't help but let my tears fall too. that means two weeks without him and everyone else, two more weeks without seeing my baby girl it's gonna break my heart but if it means he's going to be okay and we're gonna be okay then i just have to be strong and do this "okay i respect that, but Niall i love you" i tell him he just looks straight into my eyes for a minute before looking away again he shakes his head looking at Perrie he mouths something to her and she just nods and stands up "we'll see you soon" Perrie sympathetically smiles at me as they start to leave the room i just nod putting my head into my hands, this couldn't be worse. louist91
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