those boys - Alejandro Rosario & Mattia Polibio

after math

"A list?" I ask as a tear drops but I wipe it away. "Look can we just talk about this downstairs." mattia says stepping in front of me.

"No no tell her, tell her how in the beginning of the year you listed every girl you could get with and leave like nothing. Tell her when Robert told you about her you put her on your list. Tell her how you used her!" Ale says as mattia punches him and Robert and Kairi come running to the bathroom. "What- What the fuck is going on." Robert says rubbing his eyes as Kairi does. "Is that true?" I ask mattia as tears drop. "No no let me explain-"

"Explain what-" I say backing up.

"Explain how you practically used me? And you guys." I say pointing at the rest of them.

"You guys knew and never thought to bring it up. The one time I thought I actually had real friends haha turns out to be all fucking stupid." I say.

"No no it's not like that! We told him that you were our friend I swear I didn't think much because I thought he was joking until you told me about it." Kairi says as I look at him in disgust. "You guys disgust me. All of you." I say pushing past them and grabbing my bag outside. "Where are you even going??" Ale says standing in front of me. "Move." I say pushing past him and going downstairs to have Robert follow me. "Mae!! Mae!!"

"What? What can you possibly say?"

"I'm sorry... I thought he was joking because I know he genuinely cares about you. I knew both them liked you and I should've told you but-"

"I don't care that they both like me. It's the fact you knew about it in the beginning and never told me. It's not fun looking so fucking dumb." I say leaving and getting an Uber.

How dumb can a list be? You list people who you'll fuck or get with? I knew they were fucked up but this fucked up? It's dumb. The dumbest thing about this is it wasn't even a bet. Mattia did this all on his own will. Maybe I did make him fall for me in the end. But that's not the point.

The ride back to my house feels so fucking long. My thoughts get the better of me. I get hundredths of calls from them but ignore it all.

When I get home it's nearly 5 or 6 in the morning I don't know. I go straight to bed hoping to never wake up.

Skip to Sunday

I didn't talk to them since Friday. We were all suppose to go to the party yesterday but I skipped. I really don't want anything to do with them. Everything is all over social media splattered like it's suppose to be or something. I deleted Instagram the moment everything came out. I don't care who it is what it is I just want to be able to live my normal life. Alone as always. My phone blows up with calls and messages even when my phones was on do not disturb. "Can they just leave me alone?" I say to myself grabbing my towel and going to shower. I absolutely just wanna drown myself to forget everything but I am not THAT suicidal.

I wrap a towel around my body and one in my hair. "Fuck!" I say opening the door to get scared at Kairi sitting on the bed. "What the fuck are you doing here??"

"We need to talk."

"No we don't. You need to leave." I say signaling the door. He doesn't leave so I sigh and change.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I'm sorry... for not telling you what mattia said..."

"It's fine it's done can you leave?"

"No, I want us to be friends still."

"Really?"

"Yes... he told me he genuinely actually liked you and wanted to be with you and to forget about the whole list so I did."

"And you still told Alejandro about us?"

"I mean- he had a crush on you and he would only tell me so I told him so he could just fucking move on which he did."

"Yea until he blew up the other night." I say combing my hair.

"Look I'm sorry. Really sorry, I don't wanna loose you as a friend and you're the only one that understands me."

"Understands you?"

"Well yea... you're a girl but you just always make sure I'm okay and you're just my best friend... please..."

"Kairi I said it's fine... I'm actually over it for real this time. I just- I felt used and I also don't wanna come between any of your guys friendship."

"Alejandro and mattia both talked yesterday."

"You guys didn't go to AKG's party?"

"Of course not, we can't go or do anything if we're all falling apart." Kairi says as we both laugh.

"Look, it's the past now... I probably was one of the girls on his list but I don't really care. I know he actually liked me but he's confused with himself and I don't wanna be involved in that." I say as Kairi nods. "I understand.. so does that mean you still love me?" Kai says as I giggle. "Never stopped shorty." I say hugging him. "You gonna talk to the boys?"

"Maybe maybe not... I just wanna be alone, I'll see you tomorrow." I say as he nods and walks out.

I forgive Kairi really, I know mattia has a special thing for me. I know he genuinely liked me, it's just he is confused and I don't want to be confused either. I just wanna be by myself.

Skip to next morning

I don't do anything special for today. I throw on white vans, black jeans, and a pink hoodie. I put in my airpods and walk to school. I don't feel like driving or having my mom drive me. Walking just feels way better. Khalids playlist blasts through my ears not hearing anything surrounding me. I get startled when a car strolls by but stops. I look in to see of course Rowan. He hops out of the car saying bye and coming towards me.

"Hey." He says walking beside me.

"Hey? Haha who was that?"

"My mom, I seen you walking and I didn't want you walking alone."

"How sweet haha."

"You walk to school?"

"Well no but today I felt like it."

"Your mom drops you off?" He asks.

"Yea or- yea someone drops me off."

"Your friends you mean?"

"Haha I guess..."

"What happen with you guys? I seen a lot of tiktok room posts."

"Nothing really... I just am doing what I need to do to stay alive during high school." I say laughing with him. We walk to school together laughing at jokes. We actually have a lot of things in common. "You're actually really funny." I say giggling. "You'd know if you actually came to hang out with me." He says glaring. "I'm sorry! I just been so busy." I say. He nods and we walk into school of course where Alejandro them look at me. "Hey can I steal you before class?" Robert says stopping in front of us. "Uh... sure? I'll see you later." I say to Rowan as he smiles and walks off. "Really? You just ghosted me?" Robert says as we walk away from the boys. "Maybe? Why would you care?" I say to him.