Gunita [EDITING]

veinticinco

I happily ate my Kare-Kare, but I still can't help but to get anxious so bad. Pakiramdam ko Fallon's just around the vicinity, and even though my bodyguards are around... even Uno, I just can't wrap it around my head.

I just... I just can't help but to be scared.

"You're still shaking..." I tried to force a smile while Uno was holding my hand. Uno sighed, stood up and pulled his chair and sat beside me. He was still holding my hand while I use the other to feed myself. Uno even wanted to feed me, but that's kinda too much already. I wasn't okay emotionally, but I wasn't disabled either.

I can still manage myself.

My mind's just in a complete haywire thinking how easy it is for Fallon to completely disorient me just with that. Ilang taon na rin naman... I mean, I even confronted him a few weeks back. Pero bakit gano'n? Bakit parang instead na maging ayos ako lalo, bakit parang lalo akong umuurong?

Parang lagi na lang akong hinihila ng nakaraan kahit gustong-gusto ko nang kalimutan lahat.

"Balik na ba tayo ng school?" Uno nodded habang tinutulungan akong ayusin 'yung pinagkainan ko. I have always practiced CLAYGO ever since—I mean it should be practiced by everyone. I'd really throw a fit if they'd reason out na tinatanggalan ng trabaho 'yung mga nagtatrabaho sa restaurants, when in fact, pinapadali no'n 'yung trabaho nila.

It's not bad to think about others' welfare.

But that doesn't mean you can sacrifice yours.

Wow. Funny how I sound hypocrite.

"Ako na," he uttered, taking my books from my arms bago hinawakan nang mahigpit 'yung kamay ko. I wanted to protest but Uno leaned his head sideways, pursing his lips and then smiling a little bago inayos ang pagkakasukbit ng bag ko sa balikat ko. "Your books might fall. Nanginginig pa rin kamay mo." Sinubukan kong ngitian si Uno, pero natawa naman siya. He pinched both of my cheeks using his thumb and index finger, at nginitian ako.

Napangiti tuloy ako—trying to suppress the fact that his touches still send me shocks all over my body, as if he was a grounded metal.

He looked like danger, though he's the kind where I'd still willingly take risks just so I could get closer.

Ewan ko. Is this already bad for my health? My heart keeps on pounding and pounding as if anytime I'd be diagnosed with tachycardia.

"Ang ganda mo pag nakangiti," sabi niya. "Sana nakangiti ka na lang lagi."

I crinkled my nose, "Hindi ko na talaga alam kung sa'n mo napupulot mga sinasabi mo." Natawa naman siya lalo sa sinabi ko. Binitiwan na niya 'yung pagkakahawak sa pisngi ko bago kami pumasok sa kotse niya. Thank God, I wasn't shaking as bad as kanina. I was already considering if I'd see our family physician just so maybe he could prescribe calming medicine, but... I don't know.

"Uno," I muttered.

"Hm?"

"You think it'd be good if I asked our family physician for Benzodiazepines?" I said. "It's... a short term-period treatment for anxiety. Maybe... maybe it could help."

Uno took a quick glance before he held my left hand using his right one while the other was on the steering wheel, and then he smiled, "I hope you won't feel offended, Bran, but have you ever tried to talk to a Psychiatrist?"

I shook my head.

"I can't," I said. "You know."

Uno sighed, "Alam ba ng family physician mo kung ano'ng nangyari?"