Gunita [EDITING]

veintiseis

 "Tahimik mo naman."

Napatingin lang ako kay Zachary bago ininom 'yung kape ko. Ilang araw na rin kaming pabalik-balik dito sa ospital dahil hindi pa rin gising si Chen. Sabi ng doctor, hayaan na lang daw muna namin kasi masyado nga siyang na-stress sa mga nangyari. She needs all the rest that she can get right now.

And she just lost her child.

I don't really know how Chen would manage...

"Just... tired," I muttered, staring at the can of cold coffee that I was holding. True enough, everything just seems to tire the hell out of me. Paulit-ulit na lang kasi... parang ayaw kaming tantanan. Tapos kahit paulit-ulit kong isipin na nakakapagod na talaga, parang mas lumalala pa 'yung nangyayari.

God... I just want to study peacefully... I just want to live peacefully. 'Yung walang iniisip na ganito... Wishful thinking lang ba talaga 'yun?

"How's Sofia?"

Zachary sighed. I know how hard this is for him. Ngayon ko lang din nalaman na pinag-migrate muna si Sofia sa mga ka-mag-anak nila sa New York, at do'n na lang itinuloy 'yung pag-aaral niya ng interior designing. Her parents said it has nothing to do with me at matagal nang plano 'yun, pero deep inside, alam ko namang it's all because of what's happening.

I wish it was easy for me to leave, too.

I just want to leave and forget everything, if that's even possible.

"She's okay... we're okay," he said. "I guess."

Napa-buntonghininga na lamang ako.

"I'm sorry, Zachary... Maybe if I didn't even ask you all to befriend me, walang ganitong mangyayari..."

"No, Brandi... The least I'd want to hear from you right now is you throwing yourself a pity-party. Pagod tayong lahat. Nakakapagod lahat ng nangyari... but don't feel sorry just because you wanted to feel safe with the comfort of others. We also chose this. Kung hindi ka mahalaga sa'min Brandi, would we even want to stay? We chose to stay with you, Brandi... so please, choose to fight for yourself." Zachary held my hand and smiled.

"Paulit-ulit pero nandito lang kami, Brandi. Kahit ga'no pa kahirap 'yan. Kasi kaibigan mo kami."

My eyes watered upon hearing those words from Zachary just when I thought na pagod na'kong umiyak. Mabilis ko siyang niyakap nang mahigpit, whispering my thank yous na pakiramdam ko hindi na rin sapat...

"Thank you for keeping me sane... kayong lahat," I whispered. "God, I don't know if I even deserve all of you."

"You do," Zachary said, smiling, upon breaking the embrace. I wiped my tears away using my fingers habang natatawa. "Huwag ka nan gang umiyak. Awayin pa'ko ni Uno."

"Baliw."

Natawa naman kaming pareho.

"Wala ka nang sinasabi sa'kin, Brandi. Sigurado ka bang ako 'yung bestfriend?" he said, chuckling--even though I knew he was implying something.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. "Ang dami ko nang kulang sa'yo."

Zach smiled, "Hindi naman unfair, Brandi," he said. "As long as nakikita ko namang iniingatan at prinoprotektahan ka ni Uno, ayos na sa'kin 'yun."

"You're not angry?"

He chuckled, "Petty shit lang 'yun. Masyado tayong busy lahat para diyan," sabi niya. "Pero magsabi ka namin sana sa'kin... kahit kaunti lang. Para hindi ako nag-aalala."

Ngumiti ako, "Okay," I said. "Sorry. 'Wag ka nang magtampo sa'kin..."

"Sus, umamin lang sa'yo sa Uno nakalimutan mo na'ko. Okay lang. Ayos lang naman sa'kin."