Gunita [EDITING]

cuarenta y cinco

"Ano'ng gagawin mo tomorrow?" Tims asked pagkalabas naming sa OR. Napatigil ako saglit bago napangiti at humabol kay Tims pabalik sa on-call room.

"Ikaw, ano'ng gagawin mo?" I asked as I fetch my bottle from my bag. Tims shrugged his shoulders bago napatingin sa phone niya. "May boyfriend ka na 'no?"

Pinanlakihan naman ako ng mata ni Tims, "W-wala ah..." Natawa pa'ko no'ng itago niya 'yung phone niya. It's so obvious na meron naman na! Amelia said pa nga na ayaw lang talagang aminin ni Tims since baka heartbreak na naman... Naiintindihan naman namin. Ang cute niya lang asarin kasi he can't really hide well!

"Sus kunwari pa..." I teased. "When are we going to Lubang, pala?"

"Hmmm... before tayo mag-Neuro proper?" he asked and sat on the bed. "Sigurado naman kasi mas busy... sa conferences pa nga lang ang hahaba na ng oras. What more kapag tapos na tayo sa general surgery, at nasa neuro na tayo."

Lumapit ako kay Tims at napahiga sa kama, "Deal 'yan ha?"

He chuckled, "Deal," he uttered at humiga rin sa tabi ko. "Do I really look obvious when I'm dating?"

Natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya, "Super," I answered. "I mean, Amelia and I aren't really forcing you to tell us about your lovelife—it's your private life naman after all. Ang cute mo lang kasing asarin."

Natawa naman si Tims at napatunganga saglit sa kisame.

"Tomorrow... you're to going to the cemetery, right?"

I looked at Tims and smiled a little. After everything's that happened... I just really tried to avoid visiting the cemetery in all means. Siguro kasi nando'n pa rin 'yung galit, 'yung lungkot... and I did not. Or maybe because I was guilty too...

Ewan.

Two months has passed and everything still feels like it all happened yesterday. Parang no'ng nangyari lang no'ng mga nakaraang taon... I still keep on having the same nightmares every now and then as if they were never really going to leave me.

I just... learn that I had to live with them. These memories are already a part of me, at kahit subukan kong kalimutan... I just keep on ending up on the same page again.

But after everything that occurred to me, I realized that I should not let these memories tear me down ever again. For years, I kept my guard down, kasi akala ko noon it was going to protect me and my friends... only for me to realize, that at some point, I've been selfish that way. Back then, Gio also did me a favor to not give me the record back then... kasi takot pa'ko no'n. Na kahit kaya ko namang ipaglaban 'yung sarili ko, pakiramdam ko itatago ko lang 'yung katotohanan.

But I only fed on my fears—na dapat pala ay hindi. Fear makes you a person—a human being. Normal lang naman na matakot tayo. But too much fear can be dangerous... sometimes, we also have to be brave ourselves.

Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon dapat na pinapanaig 'yung takot.

"How's the case of Fallon?" Tims sat down on the bed kaya napaupo na rin ako. I still couldn't forget the atmosphere at the RTC when I was summoned to testify against Fallon. Nobody wanted to take his case—even their family lawyer has quit his job, so he was forced to get a public attorney. He could've defended himself if only he pursued Law back then... but because of every mishap he did, misfortunes came back twice to bite him in the ass.

"Guilty beyond reasonable doubt," I uttered. "If I could still recall that was six counts of rape... violation of Section 11, Article II... RA 9165," I elaborated. I still remember how I cried when the court brought down the verdict announcement and he was indicted with reclusion perpetua. No'ng mga oras na 'yun, pakiramdam ko rin unti-unting nawala 'yung nakadagan sa dibdib ko. I've kept that secret for so long, that when I finally let it all out in one huge blow... I felt freedom.