Confused Love

Chapter 17

Next year, May

Finally, I finished my paper and lab report. Now I just need to finish my chem homework for this weekend. My phone rings.

"Hey Luca."

↬ "Erin, I think I'm at your compound can you come out it's important."

I stand up, my chair almost falling backwards.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm on my way. What's up?"

I run down the stairs and Bear runs after me.

↬ "It's... I want to tell you face to face."

I tell Bear to wait and run out of the house, wearing my oversized tee and short exercise shorts.

"Ok. I'm out. Where are you?"

Luca hangs up from the other end and I see him running towards me. When he reaches me, he grabs my elbows so I hold on to his arms. Luca is biting his lips and his eyes are red. He catches his breath. There are faint streams of tears on his cheeks. I panic.

"Oh my gosh, Luca. What's wrong? What happened?"

Luca takes in shuddering breaths and drops his hands to hold mine. He breaths slowly and tears start forming in the corners of his eyes. He calms down and we're still.

"Erin. Erin... we're leaving tomorrow."

This feels like a nightmare.

"What?!"

He swallows forcefully and caresses his gentle thumb over mine.

"My dad got a promotion and we're leaving."

I'm confused, looking around his face trying to find a trace of a joking face. I stand there, thinking and waiting for the words to come to my mouth.

"..Where?"

"Australia.."

Then it hits me. That this is real. It's so real. I feel hot tears gathering in my eyes, blinding my sight. I shake my head and look down, pursing my lips tightly. Luca lets go of my hands and wraps me tightly in a hug. My face is frozen, buried in Luca's shoulder. Luca sobs into my hair and kisses the back of my head gently. My heart shatters into a millions pieces and I can't feel anything. I slowly bring my hands up and hug him back weakly. I let my silent tears stream out, wetting Luca's shoulder.

"You're really leaving tomorrow..?" I manage to whisper out.

Luca strokes my hair once and kisses my head again.

"I'm so sorry.. it was so sudden.. my dad's promotion," Luca says quietly.

I rest my hands on Luca's shoulders from the back and rub his shoulder with my thumb.

"It's.. not your fault..."

Luca hugs me tighter.

"No.. I'm still sorry."

We pull away from the hug and I hold his hands. I bite the inside of my mouth and blink to keep new tears back.

"What school are you going to?"

"I'm going to be home schooled... my mom found a lot of online courses I can take and all that."

I remember something.

"Luca, wait here. I need to get something."

Luca nods, a little confused.

I run into my house, up my stairs and into my room. After a few seconds, I come running back to Luca. He gasps softly.

"Oh my god.... Erin.. really..?"

I smile as I purse my lips, trying my hardest not to break down. Luca takes the skateboard from my hands. He bring his hand up to his mouth and lets out a sob. I hold his hand and squeeze it gently.

"I meant to give it to you on your birthday but..."

"Thank you...," Luca breaths out.

I smile, "Now you'll be the cool home schooled skateboard kid in.... where..?"

Luca laughs softly, "Melbourne."

I wipe a tear from Luca's cheek with my thumb and offer a weak smile. Luca smiles back but it quickly fades away. I wonder what's wrong. Luca sets down his skateboard. He takes his hand from mine and brings them up to my face. He holds my face in his hands and steps closer to me.

"Erin.. I'm so sorry.."

I smile sadly, still confused, "I told you it's not your fault."

"No. I'm sorry I never told you.."

Luca trails off and presses his lips gently on mine. Warmth fills my body and I can't believe it. Luca still loves me. I kiss him back, interlocking our lips perfectly. I feel a cold tear from his lip on mine. We kiss passionately but softly, time passing by us. I let Luca's tongue rest on my lips and press against mine. I'm melting in the kiss when Luca pulls away.

"I love you..."

I know he was going to say this but him actually saying it makes me crumble and sink. I let my tears stream down like a river. I choke on my words as Luca's comforting hands wipe away my tears with such care. He wraps me in another hug. I bury my head into his shoulder and shake softly as I sob. I kiss his neck and hug him tight.

"I love you too.. I love you.. and I'm also sorry..."

"You don't need to be sorry. I should have done something.."

"No, no. You don't understand. I liked you the moment I met you..."

"You did..?"

I rest my chin on Luca shoulder and talk quietly.

"I pushed my feelings for you away because I was with Noah. And they did go away. They were gone for a long time. And then after Halloween..."

Luca laughs weakly. I smile and continue.

"After Halloween.. I realized I like you. I was thinking about it the entire winter break.."

Luca sniffs. He sounds like he cried.

"I.. didn't know that."

Silence.

Luca speaks again.

"But that's not your fault. It would be harder for us to separate as a couple."

I pull away from our hug and look at him.

"Really..? I always felt like our friend relationship would be closer than if we dated."

Luca gazes into my eyes, "It would be hard for me either way because either way I love you."

My hand flies to my mouth and I choke on a sob. Luca immediately tries to calm down my emotional breakdown. He wipes my tears away and talks to me comfortingly. My tears run down, staining my cheeks.

"Why do you have so be so fucking good at talking like that..?"

Luca laughs and kisses my head gently. I calm down and my tears cease. I let out a shaky sigh and smooth his crumpled and tear spotted shirt.

"You should probably.. uhm..... get going..."

Luca glances at his watch.

"Yeah.. there's still a lot left to do.."

I purse my lips tightly, "Promise you'll call.."

Luca smiles, "Of course.."

Luca leans in for a kiss but I'm uncertain. It'll be so much harder leaving with a kiss. Luca changes his mind and hugs me tightly instead.

I watch Luca walk away into his car. He stops at his door and turns back to look at me. I hold in my tears and wave at him. I see a faint smile on his lips as he waves back and steps in his car. I stand there, heartbroken, as Luca drives away into the night.