HIM OR ME ✓

Chapter 39

~~~~~~~~Never lose yourself while trying to hold on someone who doesn't care about losing you~~~~~~~~~~

Warning: This will contain some extreme content about harming oneself, so if you don't feel comfortable. Skip the beginning of this chapter please. 

Y/N's POV:

Water slowly dripping down my whole body, as I sat down in the bathroom as soon as he left. I don't want this pain anymore. My tears rolled down slowly as they were washed away with the shower. I can't bear this pain. He left me. And most importantly, he has been faking this relationship the whole. He doesn't love me.

I look at the small blade in my hand and softly smile at it. At least, this will ease the pain. I slowly slid the knife over my wrist and start to slice it down. It is painful, but not as much as my emotional pain. The break up does not hurt me much. The betrayal did. 

I felt betrayed. For a person who has been standing by my side when everyone abandoned me, Jungkook has the guts to leave me like this. Why would he say "love" from the start if he never feel that way? Why would he always encourage me to move on with my life? Does he accept this relationship because he pities me? 

I sighed as the water beneath me started to turn into pinkish red, and I attempt to cut another beside the first one. The knife perfectly sink into my skin as the pain increase, yet it is still nothing compared to the heart explosion inside me. 

Why do I fell so hard? Y/N, everybody has been hurting you since the day you were born. Your mom left you because she doesn't want you. Your dad abused you because you are his pain. You keep reminding of mom, and your dad was never satisfied with your actions. He hates you. Everybody does. 

The crimson red water underneath me turn into a darker shade. The water keep running down my face as I can't differentiate between my tears and the water droplets. If only I can control myself and never let this relationship to happen, I would still be friends with Jungkook. But after this relationship and harsh breakup. I don't want to see him anymore. 

I place the knife on my other wrist and sink the blade into my cold skin. The metal of the knife once again drew out the blood as the water washed it away. Memories of Jungkook and I flow back into my mind. We were kids back then, and I never expected him to pity me. I thought he was beside me as a friend who knows I need support. I don't want his pity. 

Areum's words slip back into my mind as I remember her telling how he treats her right. He didn't go to the place he told me, he went to Areum's house. He said he found a place for his work, but it is all lies. And I am blind to not see through him. I'm blindly in love. 

"Don't cry Y/N, you have me. I'll be always by your side," Jungkook told me. Liar. He should know that I look up to him the most. I only care about him. And maybe that feeling of caring and loving him made me blind. I couldn't differentiate lies and truth. I listen to his sugar coated lies, and fall for it. How stupid of me. 

Cuts after cuts, I started to feel very weak. My lips tremble as my I lean back on the cold marble floor. I wish everything is gone. I wish I am gone. I wish I never exist in this life because no body wants me. All I am is someone else that everybody pities. Who would want me when my own parents don't?

I can feel my eyelids getting heavier and I slowly drawn into the darkness. Everything became a blur. And the last word I heard is my name. "Y/N!"

End of the warning

"Hyung, please save her. Will she be okay? Did she lose a lot of blood? How is she?" I heard a deep voice talking. I can feel my hands numb and I couldn't move my whole body. I was wrapped around with several blankets and I could feel it. Yet, I'm still cold as ice.

"Taehyung calm down. She'll be fine. She'll wake up soon. You gave her enough blood supply. Just breathe Taehyung," I heard another man reassuring with his soothing voice. 

Taehyung? So he's here too. Is he here to pity me? To look at my weak body and laugh at it. He's a business partner and I barely know him. He told me about his parents and he took care of my father. Other than that, he has all the reasons to laugh at me. I'm no one to him and he is no one to me. 

I slowly open my eyes as the sun light blurs my vision. I was on my bed. With two figures talking to each other. I know one of them is him. 

"Oh my god! You're awake!" He came rushing toward me and sit on the side of the bed. 

He looks relieved and happy. Why? Isn't it better for his business if I die? He can have more opportunities as Y/N corporation falls. Why is he here?

"I told you that she's fine. Now go get the chicken soup, I can stay by her side," The other man with a white coat told Taehyung. 

Taehyung take a quick glance at me before he left. He slowly close the door behind him and walk away. Did he made chicken soup?

"You made him really worry Ms. Choi." The doctor told me as I scrunched my face hearing my surname.

I hate that name. Its not my name. That's my father's and I don't want anything that is part of him. 

"Call me Y/N." I told the doctor as I stared back at the ceiling. The doctor just smile as he nodded his head. 

"Please don't cut yourself again Y/N. Taehyung was worry sick. He was panicking while ringing my phone up. I was performing surgery so I didn't get here on time. By the time I'm here, you're already wrapped up in a blanket." The doctor told me as his smile never fade away. 

I look at myself again. My clothes are not wet as expected. Seems like he changed me without my permission. Idiot. And how did he break into my house? 

Seeing me staring at my own clothes, the doctor shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry, please don't be mad at him. He has to change you immediately so you won't get sick. " He told me as he handed me some pills to drink. 

"Drink this after you eat the chicken soup. I hope you like the taste because I haven't cook for a while." The man chuckled as I widened my eyes in surprise. So he's the one who cook?

"I thought Taehyung cook it." I accidentally slip out my words. 

"Trust me. He doesn't know how to cook well." The man grins at me and stood up. He took off his white coat and stare out at the large glass window in my bedroom. He sighed with his face full of worries. 

"Even if Taehyung act all mighty and strong, he is still a child. His parents' divorce changed him into a mess. And this is the first time I saw him care for someone truly. You must be very special to him," he smiles as the knock on the door interrupted our eye contact. 

"Hyung..I kinda burnt myself," Taehyung's head popped up as the doctor shook his head in disbelief. 

TO BE CONTINUED........