Behind a smile

Part 20~One of the same

I fidgeted in place, Todoroki was staring down at me. We were standing in one of the many abandoned corridors in this huge school. No one was going to find us while we were talking.

*Calm down, Izu. Everything is going to be okay,* Mei whispered to me.

"Todoroki? Why... why do... do you want... want to talk?" I stumbled over my words, shying away from Todoroki's gaze.

"What happened earlier?" Todoroki went straight to the point.

"I am sorry..." I apologised with small tears in my eyes.

*Izu, maybe you should let on of us do this,* Koi suggested as I shook my head.

"No... my... my fault. I deal with the repercussions,* I whispered quietly.

"Why are you apologising?" Todoroki's question startled me as I tilted my head.

"We... we almost lost... lost be... because of me... me," I tried to explain.

Todoroki still looked confused at my answer. "Why does that matter?"

I tried to answer. I really did, but I felt myself unable to focus my thoughts and articulate them.

Todoroki seemed to notice my struggle as he continued, "Why do you think passing a test is more important than your health?"

*He has a point,* Koi said simply.

"Well... I... I..." I bit onto my tongue not sure whether I should really explain the answer. "My... my health... does... doesn't matter..."

Todoroki quirked up his eyebrow as he looked over me. "Why do you think that?"

Before I could even consider the question I was thrown back into my mind.

"Listen if we wanted a f**king therapy session, we would talk to our f**king therapist!" Jack took control while screaming at Todoroki.

Todoroki looked shocked at our outburst. He seemed frozen in place, just staring at us.

*Jack, please... please calm... calm down... He... he doesn't un... understand...* I gently tugged on Jack's hand to bring him back into our mind.

We can't make Todoroki mad. Not allowed to make people mad.

"What did you just say?" I shot up to look at Todoroki, worry was clear in his eyes.

"Sorry..." I mumbled before noticing Todoroki's look. Not wanting to get told off again, I beat Todoroki to talking, "I.. I don't... don't mean to... to talk... talk to myself..."

Todoroki looked very worried as he tried to look in my eyes. "Izuku? What did happen during the exam?"

I sighed before sliding onto the floor, curling up into a ball.

"Izuku?" I winced when I noticed how worried Todoroki sounded.

"I... I was... have... having a panic... panic attack... I was... was scared... I thought... thought you... you were go... going to hurt... hurt me..." I stumbled over my words, failing to speak properly.

Todoroki sat down by my side, not quite sure what to do. "Why would you think that?"

"Hurt... It hurt... hurt so much... No hurt..." I didn't care that I sounded like a child, I needed him to understand. None of the teachers or students saw my panic attack, if they did they could pull me out of U.A saying I was unstable. That's what happened when dad tried to put us in a school. I can't let it happen again.

"Izuku? You are doing it again," Todoroki said calmly, bringing me out of my thoughts.

*Izu, maybe you should swap out,* Mei suggested again as I shook my head.

*Nii-chan, please. You never talk about it," Chi reasoned causing me to shake my head again.

*I need... need to do... do this," I stated simply. "I'm sorry... if... if I am freak... freaking you out... I under... understand... You... you can't tell... can't tell anyone... I... I can't leave..."

"Why are you so sure they will kick you out if I tell them?"

"Can... Can't have.. have panic... panic attack when... when saving lives... Can't be... be a hero if... if not strong..." I fidgeted with my sleeve while speaking.

Todoroki let out a sigh which caused me to look over my knees at him. "Don't worry about that. You can still be a hero if you are not strong. There are a lot of different types of heroes, don't get so preoccupied by the traditional view of a hero."

"What... what do you... do you mean?" I tilted my head in confusion while asking the question.

Todoroki looked down at his right hand before speaking, "Well, people do not think Recovery Girl is strong, yet she is a hero. People do not think Thirteen is strong yet he is a hero. People do not think Present Mic is strong, yet he is a hero. The teachers here would be more worried about your mental health than anything else. They won't expel you for something that should be helped."

I didn't say anything before laying my hand on my knees.

"Aizawa knows," I said after a while. Todoroki gave me a confused look as I sighed. "I... I am not... not sure if... if he re... remembers me... me though... He hasn't said... said anything..." I could see that Todoroki was confused by what I was saying. "He... he saved... saved me..."

Todoroki nodded sadly. "What did he save you from?"

I bit my lip, curling up further. "My... my biological father..." I tried to keep my voice as quiet as possible, avoiding his gaze.

"Your father abused you?" I nodded, not trusting my voice to answer Todoroki's question. Todoroki seemed to hesitate before speaking. "I think I understand. My father would train me every day to become a hero. Some days he would keep hitting me until I was black. I don't know if he realised what he was doing."

"I'm sorry," I whispered while looking at Todoroki.

Todoroki smiled softly, something I was sure I had never seen before. "Don't be. I hate him for what he did. I don't think that will ever change."

I bit on my lip before talking carefully, "is... is that why... why you do... do not use your... your fire in a... in a fight?"

Todoroki nodded before leaning back, pressing his head on the wall. "Do you know what a quirk marriage is?" I nodded my head, remembering many of the different children in the orphanage who came from families in quirk marriages. "My father forced my mum to marry him in a quirk marriage so I would have both their quirks. One day mum couldn't keep doing everything and she poured boiling water into my eye, saying that she couldn't look at that side anymore. That I looked like him, that side looked like him. Now, I will become a hero without using his side."

"Todoroki... I... I think I under... understand... My quirk it... it did... didn't come from... from either.. either of my... my parents... but... he made... made me do... do a lot... lot of stuff... I... I want... want to be... become a hero with... without any thing he... he left me... That said... you... you should use your... your quirk... you want to... to help people.... right? What... what if you... you can only... only save them with... with that side..." I looked away from Todoroki's gaze, shying away. "It's... it's your quirk... not his..."

Todoroki sighed and shook his head before standing up. "Come on, we should get back."

Nodding, I followed him back.

*Well, that could have gone worse,* Koi stated casually.

*Who would have guessed the number two hero was abusive,* Mei commented in shock.

*I am not that surprised with the way that hooligan behaves,* Zama added.

*We... we keep this... this to our... ourselves... Do... do not tell... tell the others...* I could feel their nods in agreement. We weren't going to make someone talk about something we ourselves didn't. We were not hypocrites.

"Izuku," Momo called with a slight panic in her eyes. Had she seen what happened?

"Yes Momo..." I bit onto my lip hoping she hadn't.

"Hitoshi broke out of jail."

*Well, she hadn't seen you.*