The Feel of Water

Nine - Teach Me

"Since when do you wear this kind of stuff anyway?"

I peer back at Emilie as she lays across her bed, watching me look through her closet. "I don't know. I just think it'd be a nice change. I want to spruce up my wardrobe, and you don't wear this stuff anymore."

"Yeah," she laughs a little, "because I was terrible. I was a terrible girl when I wore those clothes. You aren't following in my footsteps, are you?"

"Oh yeah," I dramatize, "I bet I can land myself in the hospital in under a month. You'll have to be the good kid, then. Think you can handle it?"

"Is this because of Sean Donovan?"

I turn away from her closet and wander to her. "No. I told you he just took me home, that's all."

Emilie rolls onto her stomach, kicking her feet back and forth in the air. She rests her head on her folded arms and gazed at me. "Is that really it? I know guys like Sean. He just doesn't seem like a guy you'd be into."

"News flash, Emilie. I'm into no guys, remember? It's like they don't even exist to me."

"Sure," she breathes out. "I get back and suddenly my little sister is going to parties and coming home with a different guy every time."

I throw a pillow at her head.

I wear one of her skirts to school the next day; a flirty skirt with buttons down the middle. At lunch, Allison is already at our table, and she eyes me all the way from the cafeteria doors to my seat.

"You're wearing a skirt," she says.

I place my backpack on the bench beside me and shrug. "It's just a skirt."

It isn't just a skirt. The last time I wore a skirt was on picture day in eighth grade. The feeling of my underwear against open-air has me paranoid that people can see it. What if there's suddenly a picture going around of my purple panties poking out of my skirt when I bent down to pick up my phone. I accidentally dropped it in the parking lot this morning. There were many students around. Many eyes.

"You don't wear skirts," She says. Becca joins us and Allison doesn't wait a second before telling her, "Dani's wearing a skirt."

"What? Why? Is it picture day?" Becca questions.

"It's just a skirt."

Becca comes to a realization, or at least that's what she shows on her face. "Oh, I know. It's because of Sean."

"Sean? What about Sean?"

Becca looks between Allison and I. "What? Did you not tell Allison? Sean totally kissed her yesterday in the classroom that's being redone."

"Really?" Allison faces me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal. Alisha doesn't know either."

"Are you two like a thing now?"

I shrug again. "No. I don't think so."

It feels weird talking to Allison about Sean after she spent so long trying to get his attention. I know she's seeing Nick now, but something about it makes me feel like a bad friend.

"He's just using me, remember?" I say casually, but the words are starting to have an effect. "It was nothing. I'm just along for the ride."

They continue to stare so I say, "What? You're telling me Sean has never kissed another girl while on a break with Jen?"

"I mean, I guess you're right," Becca mumbles. "I just never thought you would be up for something casual. I always pictured you in some serious relationship like Alisha."