The Feel of Water

Thirty-Four - His End

I shut and lock the front door behind me, stepping out of my shoes, setting my bag to the side while I hang up my unused coat. I take a few steps out of the foyer and notice Emilie laying on the couch. She looks to me. Her blonde hair tangles against the pillow beneath her head. "Hey," she yawns, "how was school?"

"It was okay," I tell her, keeping it brief.

"Nice hoodie. I'm guessing it's Sean's."

I peer down, pretending as if I forgot. "Oh, yeah. It's his. Anyway, Tammy is working late tonight, right?"

"That's what she told me."

"Do you mind is Sean comes over after practice?" I ask, entering the living-room.

"Only if you don't mind that David comes over too."

I give her a cheeky smile and sit down on the chair beside the couch. "I don't mind. It seems that we have a mutual understanding."

Emilie sits up. "Just don't be too loud."

"And the understanding is once again misunderstood."

"Oh, come on. I know what you two have been up to," she says. "I could see the tension when he was here the other night."

"He was here to meet you," I clarify. "That's all."

"So you're saying you haven't—"

To put her raised eyebrows and squinted eyes to rest, I quickly mutter, "We have, and leave it at that, please. I don't want to talk about sex stuff with you, and that goes both ways."

Emilie smiles, holding in a laugh. "Fine. We don't have to. I'm just saying you did good, Dani."

"Alright," I sigh and stand up, "I'm leaving now."

She grabs my hand and pulls me down to the couch with her. "You've changed so much this year," she says. "You're like a completely different person. I remember when you couldn't wear anything but jeans and a crew-neck to school; when you shied away from boys as all your friends dated."

"Yeah, okay, I get it."

"Is it because of Sean?"

I turn my head to her. "What do you mean?"

"Is he the reason you stepped out of your bubble?"

"I mean, I guess so. You influenced me too, you know."

Emilie leans back and blurts, "Me?"

"Well, not who you are now, but who you were before. I remember a lot from back then."

"And not for good reasons," she murmurs.

"I know. You were totally out of control, but all I saw was a girl letting out all her pain. You were mourning. You didn't hold anything in." She watches me closely as I continue. "It was the one thing I was envious of. You were loud and reckless and mindless, but you didn't have everything stuffed inside of you. You weren't ready to burst at the seams."

"And you were?" Emilie asks, her eyes now soft and sad.

I take a breath. "I kept it all inside. All I wanted to do was break free. He let me do that—he told me to."

Emilie brings her arms around me and buries her blonde head in my neck. I lift up my own arms and hold her back. "It's okay," I tell her, "I feel better now."

"But everyone was focused on me. Everyone looked at me. I was a mess and went to the hospital and got help, but you were left on your own."

"It's not your fault—I don't blame anything on you. I should have spoken up sooner," I assure her. "But look at us now, right? David is coming over. Sean is coming over. And we're going to be fine."