The Feel of Water

Thirteen - Hard Come Down

"You're tempting, Danielle. You really are," Sean says, not taking his eyes off of me.

"Good. Because I'm done talking."

He breathes in. "Do you even know what you're asking for?"

"I got a pretty good idea," I murmur.

He shakes his head and sits up, forcing me to come up with him. "You already know what I think about this. It's bad enough that I'm here with you right now."

"My head is clear. I'm capable of thinking rationally. Do you want me to walk in a straight line? Or is it something else? Gee, Sean, I mean, you brought me to your spot. Oh, do you need to hear that you won't hurt me? Is that it?"

He ignores me, so I jump off the truck, landing steadily on my feet. I turn back and stand in front of him, placing my hands on his knees. "Just tell me you don't want to do anything and I'll stop."

"You, Danielle, you're something else," Sean says. "How about you tell me exactly what you want, to my face, and I'll do it."

My chest grows warm and heavy. Every heartbeat feels like someone is punching me. I see what he's doing. He doesn't think I have the guts to say it, to explain exactly what I want to do with him. And to be honest, I don't think I do. But I understand is the trope he's playing at-the fact that I'm a virgin who knows nothing about everything. Sure, I know what things are. I know how it all works. I'm not a complete prude, I just haven't had hands-on experience. But I can work with what he's implying.

I nod a little, having his complete attention. "Okay. Sure. It's a little hard for me to explain, obviously. Actually, if you could stand up-"

I step back and Sean entertains me, getting off the truck bed and standing up straight. He looks down, amused. "Thanks. So, I think the easiest way for me to explain what I want, is by showing you how I feel. Can I take your hand?"

He holds out his hand, and I gently take it, using it. "The first thing I feel is right here," I say, placing his hand over my heart. "My heart just beats faster, heavier. Especially when I'm with you, Sean. Then I would say here," I bring his hand onto my breast, trying to ignore the many things I am feeling all to keep up my game. "I feel a lot here. Well and here," I move his hand to my other breast, "but you probably know that."

He was all amused when his hand was on my heart, but something in his face has changed.

I look into his eyes. "I would also say I feel a lot here." I move his large hand down to my stomach, just below my belly button. "This one is a little more complicated. It's deep feelings. Sometimes it's like a rush or like a wave, and I feel it here, deep inside. But I would say I feel the most right here," I say, moving his hand over my crotch. I let a quick breath escape me, but I maintain eye contact.

"What do you feel here?" He asks, his face straight.

I take in a shaky breath. "Um. A lot. Um. I feel-"

Suddenly Sean picks me up and sits me on the back of the truck. He stands in between my legs. "I think I know what you want."

My lips part but no words come out. He slowly pushes me down so I lay on my back, propping myself up and watching as he unbuttons Allison's shorts. He brings them down, revealing my helpless pair of baby blue underwear that have a helpless little bow of blue ribbon at the top, like a present. He sets the shorts aside as he takes in my panties. He mutters something to himself, but it's too low for me to make out.

He watches my face as he slowly runs a finger down the center of my underwear. My hips shift back and my lip is crushed between my teeth.

"You like it when I touch you here, Dani?" He asks, running his finger down again, but bringing it back up.

"Mmhm," I manage, my face flushed.

"Can I take these off?"

I nod and breathe, "Yeah."

His fingers slip under the fabric before pulling my underwear down my legs, exposing a part of me no one has seen in a very long time. It's strange to have his eyes on me down there, but from his face, he seems to like it, which is good, I suppose. He takes a breath, closes his eyes, then brings each one of my legs up, bending them and setting my feet on the truck. The cool air caresses every bit of me, making my toes curl.

One hand is laid against the inner side of my leg, and he grips my thigh. The moment he touches me, I melt. I lay flat against the bed of the truck and stare up at the stars. He plays with me, draws circles like I do and my wetness becomes very apparent. I lay back and drink up every sensation, no longer feeling as shy. Every time I take in a deep breath or let a moan slip, I feel his eyes on me.

His free hand surprisingly holds one of my own, so whenever something really nice happens, I squeeze harder, letting him know. Holding his hand alone only makes everything even more pleasurable; it makes me feel like he's really here with me. When he pushes in a finger, I look down and let out a moan much louder than expected. I grab his hand tightly and watch as he slowly moves in and out, each time pushing deeper. "Does that feel good?" He asks, his voice deeper, more breathy than before. I quickly nod. "Tell me how good it feels, Danielle."

He adds another finger, and soon after he begins to move faster. I suddenly say his name, and he looks up at me, but I can't say anything. I let out a groan and lay back against the truck. I'm breathing heavy now, every exhale sounding melodic. "Please," I breathe. "Sean. I-fuck."

Between his fingers and the circles and his hand-I feel it. The build-up. I grip his hand harder, closing my eyes. Every thought focuses on what I'm feeling, and I know that I won't be holding on much longer.

Then it happens. My body is overcome and I feel myself tightening around his fingers. My legs close on his arm, and I refuse to let go. His movements slow down as I begin to settle. Eventually, I do let go and he does as well. I come back to planet earth and the entire situation is finally comprehended, no longer clouded by severe lust. I'm laying in the back of Sean's truck, bare from the waist down. I sit up and come face to face with him, red-cheeked and serviced.

My chest rises and falls. "That, um, no that was what I wanted. Mmhm."

He smirks a little and shakes his head. "Sure sounded like it. Come on." He helps me with my underwear and my shorts then he lifts me off the bed of the truck. "Let's get you home."

Sean holds my hand as he walks me to the passenger door, then holds it on the drive back. I think if he didn't, I might cry. All I wanted after my peak and come down was to be held, but that must be the most clingy thing to ask for. I don't want him to think that because we did this one thing, I'm attached to him. I don't want him to regret doing anything with me because I'm a clingy virgin. But I think I am. I feel like I opened up to him more than I have opened up to anyone. Maybe this is why I should have refrained from guys-because I don't want to be attached. And the very last thing I want is for him to know I am.

I feel like I gave too much away. I risked too much. I moaned too much. I was too wet. I feel like I made a mistake, and his silence isn't helping. But maybe he's silent because this isn't a big deal for him. I'm sure he's done this to plenty of girls, so there's no reason for me to react in such a way. Damn it. Don't cry. Don't cry.

It's not long until he's pulling up to my Aunt's house. When the car stops, I know I can almost breathe. Desperate for air, I turn to him and say, "I-I'll see you Tuesday. This was fun, you were so fun, um, I'll see you later."

My voice cracked in the last note, but I was out of the car before he could say anything. I hurried to the door with my bag falling from my shoulder, and I tried to open it, but it's locked. I clench my teeth and set down my bag, rummaging for my key as tears fall from my eyes. I grab the key and wave back to him, sure not to show my face. I unlock the door and fall inside, closing it all in one breath.

I face the empty house, and soon Aunt Tammy comes down the hall, wondering what all the noise is about.

"Dani? You're home? I thought you were sleeping over at Allison's." Then she notices my tears. "Dani? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Oh, uh, Allison and I got into a fight," I improvise.

She hugs me, and I cry some more.