The Feel of Water

Seven - An Enigma

Allison can't come to the party. Her parents are home and insist they have a nice family dinner. Alisha has church in the morning; her mother had a near-death experience and has devoted herself as much as humanly possible to God. Well, as much as a modern housewife can.

That leaves Becca and me. She drives us to Sean's so I can indulge a little. She talks to me the entire way there about watching over me and making sure I don't do anything reckless. I doubt I am capable of such things, anyway. Sure, I've been to a party or two, but I never drank too much or did something impulsive. I'm the mother; I watch over my friends. Having the roles switched feels like I'm walking in another girl's shoes.

"I hear his parties get pretty crazy," Becca mentions. "Like, don't-take-drinks-from-guys crazy. If anyone offers you a tab or pill or-"

"Are you serious?" I question. "Should we be going at all?"

"Oh, we have to go. Sean pretty much begged you to come. That's a big deal, Dani."

"Nothing has changed. Everyone knows he's using me to get to Jen."

"Whatever. If what you heard in the bathroom is right, if Jen is coming with Jamie, then maybe he'll see you with Sean and get jealous."

I sigh and glance out the window as we drive down the streets of a suburban neighborhood. I say, "I don't know. Maybe I'm not as into Jamie as I thought I was."

"Wait. What? Really?"

I peer to her. "Yeah. I don't know-I'm just not feeling it as much. Maybe it's because he's seeing Jen."

Becca looks away from the road to quickly examine my face. I watch her as she does so.

"What?" I ask.

"Don't tell me you like Sean."

"Can't I just not like anyone? Can't I just be me and not worry about this crap?"

"Oh my god, you totally have a crush on Sean Donovan."

I sink in my seat. "I hate this. I should have come alone."

"Too late now. We're already here," she grins devilishly, pulling over. "Just remember, I'll be watching from afar."

The party is noticeably more rowdy than Nick's. Music is louder, lights are dim, people are wandering in and out of the open front door. Two girls argue on the porch and another sits on the curb, likely waiting for a ride. Becca grabs my hand, almost leading me in.

They are people everywhere with drinks in their hands or clouds of smoke blowing from their lips. My grip on Becca tightens and she shouts back at me, "Oh wow."

Some guy in the football team seems to be controlling the music at the front of the room-where most people are dancing sloppily-but we don't stay for long. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"I'm looking for Sean."

The house is fairly big. We search down the main hallway with stairs leading up. People hang around on the steps, laughing and shoving each other. When we pass a bathroom, I catch a glimpse of someone bending over the counter, pressing their face to the stone. A second or two after, I realize that the guy was snorting coke.

"Becca, I think we should g-"

"There he is!" She calls and points to the entrance of the kitchen. "Go on. I'll be right here."

She releases me like a baby bird; I weave through the people, trying to fly, but I'm nervous. My heart vibrates in my chest. Something doesn't feel right-I don't feel like myself.