Beautiful Days

Chapter 20 -Battle of Fire and Ice-

These days I mostly only heard people talking about me not with me and made me feel even more depressed. Was I in such bad shape that they couldn’t tell me? I couldn’t lie to myself. I knew that my condition worsened and that in only a week. I could hardly sit without support; I wasn’t able to keep any kind of nutrition down and in consequence I lost weight rapidly. I didn’t like to think about it but my state was even worse than Bella’s… Our baby wasn’t in a better shape… Our little one was slowly starving as was I if we wouldn’t find the reason. Carlisle wasn’t himself anymore, he ghosted around his library and office in search of a solution and he would stay locked in there for nights. Edward and Rosalie helped him as much as they could. Emmett and Jasper were out of their minds and I guess that was why they weren’t home most of the time as they went hunting… Alice tried to see the future, but it hadn’t changed that she could see neither me nor the baby. Bella helped everyone as much as she could. She would often sit next to me and we would talk about everything but this. She took mostly care of Renesmee and Carlie and so we talked about those two. Bella knew all too well that I missed Renesmee badly, but I missed my daughter more than anything. It tore me in pieces that I couldn’t see her. So, she would describe their day with minute detail so that I still felt to be part of it.

“Carlie and Renesmee have destroyed our kitchen today,” Bella smiled and those were the first words as she entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. A smile appeared on my face and I took her hand. “How so?” I asked curiously. “Renesmee wanted to bake cookies for Christmas already as in her opinion Christmas is only four weeks away. I made the dough for the two and we were quite successful in baking little angels, reindeers and so on. I just made the mistake and left them alone for ten minutes when they were decorating the cookies. Carlie had pink icing and sprinkles all over her face and hands. The expression was hilarious when she spotted me as she was stuffing more icing into her mouth. And Renesmee wasn’t any better,” Bella shook her head in amusement. “It took me an hour to clean the table, kitchen counter and floor,” she laughed. I giggled at the image. “And how do the cookies look now?” I asked. “Those that are left are pretty. Carlie has a tendency to use pink on everything, but they look great,” she replied with a smile.

 I sighed and held my stomach as I felt another painful kick and cringed in pain. “Should I call Carlisle?” Bella asked me worried. I shifted a bit. “No, it’s fine,” I told her and she nodded worriedly. “They all have a tendency to worry about me but never be here with me,” I sighed. “Carlisle is mad with worry. He doesn’t even realize that he is needed here with you,” she whispered. “I know, I know that he means well,” I sighed. “Alice is running around the house glaring at anyone who even looks at her, Em and Jazz are hardly home and Rose and Edward throw themselves into studying… They all have their own way of dealing with this. It’s not easy for them, Esme,” Bella told me caring. I nodded and squeezed her hand. “I know how you feel…” she began and looked down at our hands. “The only steady person in my life left me when I needed him the most. I know Edward did it because he couldn’t understand my decision, but it still hurt. I know that your steady element in life is Carlisle and now that he isn’t here with you, you feel lost…” I sighed and nodded. “He will come around. It is just that it all came so suddenly. You were fine for seven months, a totally normal pregnancy and then this… We were all shocked…” “Carlisle fears losing me… He is so used to finding solutions for nearly everything and now…” I explained to her.

“We can’t lose you, Esme,” she told me fervently and I could see tears in her eyes. “You won’t,” I told her, but tears appeared in my eyes as well. “Don’t cry,” she pleaded and looked me right in the eyes. “I can’t help it,” I sighed and she hugged me. She looked up though and focused on my eyes a moment longer. “What is it?” I asked anxiously. “Your eyes…” she marveled and leaned closer. “My eyes?” I asked confused and blinked. “They are crimson red,” she gasped. “What?” I exclaimed in shock. “Carlisle?” Bella called loudly. He appeared in the doorframe a second later. “Yes?” he asked with immense worry. I couldn’t help but feel at home, safe, as he looked at me. “Look at her eyes,” Bella told him and made room on the bed. Carlisle moved closer and held my face in his large hands. “What is wrong with them?” Carlisle asked and looked from me to Bella. “They are red! Can’t you see?” Bella asked. Carlisle gasped in shock and looked at me again. “I can only see hazel,” he smiled at me. Bella walked closer again and scrutinized my eyes again. “I could have sworn…” she mumbled perplexed. “Maybe it was the light,” Carlisle suggested but was confused. Vampires could see very well even in a pitch black room… “I am getting mad,” Bella sighed and walked out of the room.

Carlisle looked at me once more and then walked to the door. “Please stay,” I pleaded feebly. Carlisle turned around again and rushed to my side. “Are you hurt? Do you need something?” “I need my husband,” I sighed and held his hand as firmly as I could. His eyes melted as I said those words and he shifted on the bed so that I lay in his arms. “I’m sorry for not being here,” he sighed and kissed my forehead. “You are here now,” I whispered and inhaled his scent. It was like the antidote to my depression and fear and I inhaled it deeply to get out of these feelings. “I just try to find some kind of reference to your state. It is so peculiar… You and the baby developed normally and all of a sudden it all changes? I can’t find an explanation for that…” he sighed sadly. I pushed the blankets away and climbed onto his lap to get even closer. He opened his arms in invitation and held me secure to him. “The fever seems to go down though,” he murmured as he felt my forehead. “It seems like you are having an even colder temperature than you are supposed to,” he whispered worriedly as he took a blanket and wrapped it around me. “I can’t find a rhyme to all those symptoms. At times you are having a temperature close to Renesmee, than you are so cold that it is not normal… It is as if your body is fighting a battle on its own.”

“That’s it!” Edward exclaimed and burst through the door. If I hadn’t been in Carlisle’s arms, I would have had a heart attack… “Edward, what do you mean?” Carlisle asked and shifted us to sit upright. “What you said and thought! Esme’s body is indeed fighting a battle: human versus vampire! When she was having a high fever she considered the idea of blood as revolting. Now her eyes changed to red when she is so cold,” he explained and waited for us to jump on his train of thoughts. Carlisle looked into my eyes again and gasped. He caressed my eyes with the softest touch. “Red,” he murmured and Edward moved closer as well. “Bella was right,” Carlisle whispered in wonder. “Do you have blood in the house?” Edward asked Carlisle. “Yes,” he could only answer when Edward was already gone. I looked at Carlisle in shock. I couldn’t realize it all just yet. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled softly at me. It was the first time in a week that I saw a genuine relieved smile on his face.

“Here, try this,” Edward encouraged me as he held a glass of blood in front of me. “I don’t know,” Carlisle hesitated. “It actually…smells pretty…good,” I whispered almost inaudibly. Edward beamed and smiled at me. I reached for the glass and held it to my mouth. It indeed smelled great… Carlisle held me secured to him in case I wouldn’t take the blood well. I took the tiniest of sips and it tasted heavenly… I took another gulp and breathed in. “It’s great,” I whispered and Edward took the glass from my hands. “Look,” Carlisle said in wonder. I looked at the two men. I couldn’t see the change but I could feel it. I felt strength returning to my body and a warm feeling cursed through me. Carlisle hugged me close and sobbed. “Carlisle,” Edward grinned, finding his humor as quickly as I had found my strength. “I am just so relieved,” Carlisle murmured and kissed me fervently. “Now we just have to figure out why it is happening….” Edward murmured, the grin non-existent…

-All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer-

Please let me know what you think of the explanation for Esme's state:)