Beautiful Days

Chapter 55 - The Morning Before...-

"It is during the worst times of your life that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you." - Ritu Ghatourey

I looked out the window with a blank mind. The snow was still engulfing the world around us, turning it into a colorless snowy desert. The trees, bending with the weight of snow, shook in the wind. The snowflakes swirled around in the air. Since I'd been standing here, the sky began to lighten and the first hints of sunrays broke the looming clouds.

No sound could be heard apart from the rustling of the branches and the howling of the wind. I clutched the cardigan closer around me as another cold breeze engulfed me, coming from the open windows in the back.

My eyes closed from time to time and I focused all my attention on my even heart beat and the sound of my breathing...

They were all means I took to prevent an anxiety attack. If I would even attempt to leave my refuge and think about today, I'd surely break down because of my fear. I could already hear my heartbeat accelerating at the mere thought...

I made the mistake and let my mind wander freely as the sky turned a deep pink. The Volturi are coming... screams, tears... killing... Haven and Carlie... weep in pain... Carlisle in Aro's ice cold clutches... fire... loss... I gasped and could barely clutch the vanity for support before I'd have surely met the ground.

I closed my eyes and took shallow breaths to calm down, but the images wouldn't disappear. My heart beat faster by the second and my vision already started to get fuzzy as I stumbled over to the chair and slumped into it.

"Calm down..." I ordered, but my heart wouldn't have that...

I slowly opened my eyes as I ran my fingers through my hair and gasped at my reflection. My eyes had deep bruise-like shadows under them, I was deathly pale, my cheeks didn't even show a hint of a blush, my eyes were the worst though... They looked haunted...

I shrank back and let my head fall into my hands. "You will get through this," I murmured and rocked myself.

Mommy! I looked up at once as I heard Carlie's voice and glanced around the room. It was still dead silent in the house, clearly showing me that it was just a trick of my mind. I groaned angrily, but felt strangely defeated at the same time.

The fear in me bubbled to the surface again and this time I couldn't stop it from doing so. It came fast and overwhelmed me till I was literally just holding onto sanity just as much as I tried to keep myself steady as I wandered around the room. I had tried so many things... denying it, facing it, fearing it, being angry, furious even, yet nothing made me lose my fear that will surely be my end today if I won't lose it fast...

"Enough," I screamed out silently and hit the bed post with my fist. It didn't even make a satisfying sound, it rather seemed to mock me. I groaned in desperation and punched against it again and again...

"Esme, Esme," someone shushed me and softly took my wrists into his hands.

"Let me be," I screamed angrily and tried to push him away, but my anger evaporated fast as I finally felt the comfort offered by him. "Edward," I wept and turned around into his embrace. He shushed me comfortingly and rocked us softly from side to side as we stood in the middle of the bedroom.

"I hate it. I wish it would just go away," I whimpered as the fear gnawed on my heart again.

"Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it*," he murmured. "Our family is worth it, your children are worth it and you are worth it. Use your fear as strength to keep on fighting today."