Fixing Sang

Chapter twelve

Waking up this morning sucked. My back in so much blinding pain. I could hardly move. Could hardly roll myself out of bed and throw on exercise clothes.

But I managed. I made my way down the excruciating steps and made my way outside to the woods behind our two story house. I forced my body to stretch out, keeping carful not to let my back strain. Then began my morning routine.

By the end of my workouts I was covered with sweat and grime. Every movement more painful than the last. Simply breathing was hard to bare. So taking a shower was a relief.

I made sure to add extra padding this morning, so blood wouldnt seep through my clothes. Then made sure to put on black clothes just as a extra precaution. Never once looking in the mirror, to see the horror. The reminder of how worthless I was.

Times like these I believe that in a way I deserve this. I deserve being beaten and unwanted. I deserved to be in a constant state of pain and agony. Because if I didn't, then why have I been put into this life?

My own biological mom didn't want me. Not enough to live for me. Instead, she decided I was just too useless, and killed herself. Leaving a father who didn't want me to begin with, to raise me.

If you can even call this raising. He's done nothing for me really, besides bringing a few things home for me. Such as second hand books, and clothes.

I couldn't even tell you when my step mother started her torturous ways. Because it's always been there. Father is hardly home, and when he is, he only insults me, and degrades me. Even Marie was always this way. Seeking out ways to have me punished by mother. So she can laugh and get away with what she wants.

She even goes as far as to blame me for her doing something such as sneaking out. Telling her mother, that I told her to do it. Or told her to kiss this boy. Then I'm the one left scarred and broken.

To be honest I'm not sure how much more of this I could take. Everyday seems harder to handle. My life seems more of an obligation. I just can't see the point anymore.

Nobody would miss me if I was gone. No one would care if I dissapeared. Hell, they wouldn't even know who I am because I don't even truly exist. My 'legal documents' are forged. All fake, because my own family is ashamed of me. I'm invisible to the world, even if people see me.

The only thing stopping me from going through with my unsettling thoughts is them. The guys who are friendly. The ones who saw me as a person. The guys who decided that I just might be good enough to belong.

So as long as they want me around... That's how long I'll stay.
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Kota and Nathan rode the bus again. Seated beside me on a cracked bus seat. On an overcrowded bus. They looked worried about me. Even though I have no clue why. They'd ask how I slept, or how my morning was. I'd reply back in a soft voice. Afraid they could hear the pain laced between my lies.

Arriving at school was a short reprieve. My back not pressed and jostled harshly into the seat. The bumps not vibrating pain throughout my body. Jerking me around and causing severe discomfort when I could feel the wounds pull apart their scab.

So stepping off the bus with sore muscles from the strain, I took a deep breath and headed into the courtyard to read. Kota and Nathan following behind.

I know they keep lookimg over at each other. Having a silent conversation that I'm positive is about me. But I can't find myself to care enough to decipher the meanings. Choosing instead to keep my head down.

We all sit at our table and silently wait for the rest of the guys to arrive. Today I chose to read a lightweight subject. Machanics of Motorcycles. It's basically a refresher for me though. Easy to tune into to keep from thinking about how sore my body was.

I may have been to in tune with my book, because by the time I looked up I was shocked to see all the guys seated around me. Even more surprised to see them all looking at me expectedly.

"W-what?" I ask them when they don't clue me into what I missed.
"Victor just asked what you was reading today. But you was just so focused that you didn't hear him. And it's adorable to see you so out of world," Silas explains to me. Causing a blush to rise to my cheeks as I tuck my head down to hide.

I lift the book to show the guys, and they all look between impressed and shocked. Then out of nowhere North is asking questions from bmw scramblers to everything on the wiring diagram. Not giving me time to respond with much before he fires off another question.

Next I know we are both going back and forth. North all compassion. You could tell he loved fixing bikes.  Then, right as I was going to go fan girl over fixing clutches and chain sprockets, the bell rang.

As we began packing up to head to class Luke had me blushing and putting my head down in half embarrassment and pride.
"Damn. I had no clue what they were talking about. But that was hot"
"I'm going to have to agree with you for once." Nathan replied a few moments later.
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The day was doing great until third period. I had just sat down in Geometry,  pulling out my books. When a folded note landed on my desk. I really didn't want to open it. But curiosity overruled me.

     Hey song, I hope you and those boys are ready for today. Because you are sure to regret jumping into a fight that wasn't about you. Sexy or not daddy here will make sure you get properly. . . Punished.

Folding the note back up and stuffing it into the front pocket of my bag, I looked around. Trying to see who sent the note. But I couldn't see any familiar faces or anyone looking at me. So I shrugged it off for now to focus on class.

But a voice in my mind kept telling me that this was more than some petty threat. So I made sure to remember to talk to the guys at lunch and show them the note.