Ellas Haze (Book One of Ellas story)

Part 27

 Ella

the bath didn't really help and the painkillers only sent me to sleep but I woke up a few hours later in even more pain than before it felt like lifting my arms was as a mammoth task but when I got up and managed to struggle downstairs for coffee I saw Shane and Dannys' children watching TV, how you feeling Shane said over a pan of food that turned my stomach.

"like crap." I grumbled reaching for the coffee pot.

"decaf only I'm afraid." Shane says and I got confused for a second before remembering I'm pregnant and putting the pot down with a sigh.

"oh no hunny it's ok that is decaf." he says with a smile.

"made the change permanent?" I say poring myself a cup and adding sugar, milk does not feel like such a good idea right now.

"only when he's pregnant." Danny says appearing from nowhere wrapping his arms around Shane and kissing his neck. Shane turned with a smile and kissed him properly.

"don't burn the eggs daddy!" the oldest daughter turned with a frown her hands on her hips in disapproval, I remember her name to be Christine, Danny smiled and moved away to sit next to me leaving Shane to cook, it's strange how even after so many years these two were still so loved up, I couldn't even make it a day, I start sobbing although I'm not sure the reason why, probably hormones.

"hey it will get better," Danny says rubbing my shoulder and I nod at him although I'm not sure I agree. Shane standing across the room plates up three servings of eggs on little plates and takes that and a huge stack of warm toast out to the table for the kids who excitedly dive into eating. He then takes his time to walk over to me and wrap me in a huge hug, that's when I notice the baby bump sticking out proudly from his body he must be a good few months along how did I not notice last night?

"there there hunny I know it can be scary at first but you're going to be OK you have us now." he says while Danny makes himself busy plating up the other eggs.

"you want any?" he asks gesturing to the pan and I shake my head.

"just toast please." I mumble he nods without argument and puts the pan down.

"you drink your coffee then we will get you settled in the living room and you can watch some tv with me hey?" Shane says and I nod and try to force a smile for him.

"Aunty Ella draw me?" the middle child Thomas says waddling over to me with egg round his face.

"oh hunny I don't think..." Danny starts to say but I manage a real smile for him and interrupt Danny.

"go get my book and pencils from my bag little man." I say ruffling his hair and he runs over to my bag bringing back what I asked for. Over the next hour, I drew him his siblings and his dads, drawing always cheered me up a little and now was no different. I looked up and smiled to see my painting of them was up on the wall that I gifted them last Christmas and I smile thinking of the picture I managed to take after an hour of trying to get the kids to stay still and the baby to stop crying.

"we will need a new one soon." Shane says rubbing his bump and at that moment I know what my next painting will be, I take a very quick sketch making sure no one can see and I place my book back in my bag feeling better about the last few hours than I had the last week. Here I feel welcome and wanted and like one of the family. I thought I was there but I guess Aid... HE didn't agree. I say and manage to stop myself crying before I curl up on the sofa to watch some movies with Shane and Danny took the kids over to his mum's house to play.

I caught myself after a while rubbing the tiny little bump that seemed to form and something suddenly popped into my head.

"how long do wolf pregnancies last?" I say to Shane who was zoned out but suddenly came back to life.

"oh about five months I think they are about half the time of normal pregnancies." he says rubbing his tummy and before I can ask another question he jumps in again,

"I'm around Three months along so about 20 to 25 weeks in human pregnancy I think." he says with a yawn. It's strange I don't think I ever really wanted children of my own, I always enjoyed other peoples children from a distance when I knew I could give them back and who does not think a baby that sleeps all the time is adorable but now it's not just a what-if, now there is a real human in here it just seems to make sense like I should be bringing this life into the world, even if the situation is not the best and I do have to do it without my mate... another thought suddenly alarms me.

"This pain I feel is the mating pain right?" I say to Shane who looks at me properly before answering.

"yes why?" he says cautiously.

"well why would I be feeling pain if he rejected me?" I say suddenly giving myself false hope.

"oh hunny that's not how it works, you will still feel the bond because he rejected you not the other way around all that means is he will not be feeling the separation like you are." he says sympathetically.

"oh.." I mumble in response, for some reason, a part of me wants to hope he would be in agony screaming on a floor but then my wolf silences me, of course, I don't want that, my wolf had been silent since I left the pack and even before that she didn't really say a whole lot since the fight. It's like all the fight had been taken from her even though she was a badass strong wolf and she should not need anyone to help her keep her crown straight. She hears my thoughts and perks up a little. I suspect she is in the same pain I am but my thought seems to make her realize that wallowing in self-pity will not get her very far. She takes notice of this and puffs out her chest I smile thinking maybe we will get through this after all and as that thought settles over me I think I accidentally fall asleep.