Secrets are just Hidden Lies (Star Wars OC x Reader)

Chapter Ten

Two Days Later...

Y/N POV

We were all in the main part of the ship, my side still aching with the infamous cramps that bothered me every single month like the satanic things they were, needing to adjust the way I sat about seven times so I could me more comfortable, all of them making the pain worse and more dreadful to live with until Atin came into the room and sat behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and dragging my body toward him, not resisting a single bit because I like it when he cuddled me, it made me feel wanted.  Rey sat on Poe's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, one of his hands on her lower back and the other one on the side of her thigh, the tips of his ears tinted pink as she rested her head on his, Finn and Rose sitting next to each other with sunglasses on (don't ask me why they are wearing sunglasses inside of a ship because I have no idea, that's just what they do sometimes, I guess it's a couple thing), Rose's sunglasses sliding down just enough to see her roll her eyes, wishing Rose could see the look that I was giving her right at that moment.  Elia was still invested in her book like it was her life's purpose, my mind going to a place where I really didn't wish it to go, my heart beginning to melt at the fact that Elia must be so obsessed about those books because she doesn't have someone to stare at and watch the whole day like the rest of us, and even though Atin and I were just friends (well, not just friends... hopefully he thinks the same), everyone has been teasing us so much about how much we act like a couple and how we should get together because we look so good together and when the wedding is going to be (Rey asked the last one, and immediately after I smacked her in the face with a pillow, Atin awkwardly walking out of the room and disappearing into his personal space).

I sat quietly, listening to Chewie talk and tell stories about how he and Han would get in trouble during their smuggling jobs because they would do things that Jabba didn't like them doing, almost dying in every single one of those tales because they would make stupid and rash decisions that would get them into weird situations that I never would have suspected.  I was immersed in his personal narrative that he liked sharing with all of us, resting my hand on top of Atin's and leaning back into his chest, all my stresses and worries just slipping away from my mind and vanishing into the tense atmosphere that surrounded us like a thick cloud of smoke that was choking us until eventually all of the air was sucked out of our lungs, sensing a dark force boiling inside one of us that was so intense that it could easily beat Elia's darkness that she used to have, it growing more and more every day into a bigger flame that would one day snap and let loose all of the evil inside of them, fueling the anger driven inferno that was raging inside of their heart, the conflict within them practically nonexistent because the more the light would push, the dark would shove it away ten times harder, the fear and hatred trudging through their veins like toxic sludge.

Thoughts scrolled across my brain as I continued to wonder about how lonely Elia must be feeling right then, my heart dropping into the empty and neverending pit of my stomach that was desperate for attention and craving the love that it truly needed, my empty womb still reminded of the time that there was a child that once filled its desolate home, biting the scar that had recently formed on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying because of the bittersweet nostalgia that was going to be the death of my weakened and fragile spirit, ready to scatter into a thousand pieces at any second.  Without warning, I began feeling nauseous, bile crawling up my throat slowly like a cruel and taunting sneer meant to hurt me as much as possible, swallowing it down with every fiber in my being, my stomach silently grumbling at me and begging me to eat even a crumb sized morsel of food, ignoring its futile pleas as my eyes to water, biting the scar once more causing blood to pour into my mouth like a blocked dam that was suddenly knocked down, stomach acid rushing into my mouth like some sort of sick joke, my insides churning as the blood and bile mixed together, squeezing my eyes shut and swallowing down the sickening concoction that my body chose to make, the taste lingering in my mouth long after just like the memories of Ben's death that kept me up every night.