Secrets are just Hidden Lies (Star Wars OC x Reader)

Chapter Eleven

Y/N POV

I took off my helmet and plopped myself down on my bed, burying my face into the alabaster cushion that had brought me comfort from time to time, the inviting smell of a field shielded with lavender welcoming my senses into its relaxing embrace, the toxic fantasy of Rey's rose lips dripping with the wicked poison of the inevitable truth that haunted my restless delusions circling my crown endlessly in an assembly of torture that's only purpose was to damage to the already broken, salty droplets stroking my face delicately as the pain burrowed deep into the scars that had already been left in my soul, eating away at the little morsel of life that was left within my eroded spirit.  Piece by piece, I removed the heavy armor that I lugged around tirelessly in the horrific game known as life, awaiting the day when I would when I would expel the precious beskar for the last time and escape the suffocating restraints of the Mandalorian religion, leaving it alone in the deep depths of nothingness just like the rest of my tragic past.  I curled up into a ball of familiar grief, the light that shined dimly from the lamp that rest diligently next to my bedside table ricocheting off the silvery walls, sparkling like the ocean in the middle of the night when the tides were calm and the whitecaps were nonexistent, peacefully cradling me in its shimmering graceful arms, the loud squabble of Atin and Poe muffling in my ears as I snuggled my face into the velvety pillow, a swift breeze blowing across my skin and running its icy loving fingers through my short soft h/c hair and down the back of my neck, goosebumps scattering across my skin.  

The invisible hands traced the scar that was on the back of my neck daintily, butterflies erupting through my stomach suddenly when I felt a light breath touch my cheek, placing my fingers on the sacred place where the unknown entity brushed their strong fingers, a wave of frigid bliss washing over me as the poltergeist wrapped their arms around my petite starving body carefully, pulling me up against them in a familiar manner, the tears that still dripped begrudgingly down my s/c face wiped away by the swift stroke of the apparition's regal hand.  I gasped happily, closing my eyes and letting tears of joy trickle down my already tear stained face, joyous laughter echoing from my throat as I grinned happily, huffing out a quaky breath and grasping onto the one I loved all those years ago, his smile burned into my memory like it was only yesterday that I had seen the infamous grin that he would show me when he was genuinely filled with glee, his copper eyes always bouncing with excitement when I entered into the room, his fluffy onyx hair somehow always perfect even though he had been wearing his petrifying mask for twelve hours straight, envying the fact that he managed to keep his locks luscious no matter where he went or what he did, but that wasn't the main thing that was going through my head at that moment.  Ben, I thought, his name bringing tears to my e/c eyes as dozens of memories flashed before me, finding myself still yearning for his strong hands to cup my face tenderly and kiss me, knowing that it wasn't physically possible in the state that he was in.  Princess, it's been too long, his voice returned, swooning just like I did every time I heard that same splendid voice seven years ago.  

We layed together in blissful silence, letting his existence accompany me while I was being torn apart by the venomous viper that Rey had become just a few moments before, knowing deep down in the core of my being that whatever demon took over her while she spat out those hateful truths was not the real her, but a part of her that had been concealed by the light until recently a veil of darkness smothered the light ruthlessly and lured her to the dark side of the force, her gentle and happy-go-lucky spirit wanting to avnege Elia for what Na'kk did to her when she was training to become a Sith Lord and the new Supreme Leader, the dark side offering her a reward that she couldn't possibly resist... revenge.  I had been trying my hardest to keep her toward the light, chatting with her about the Jedi from the past and how they were wrong saying that all hate and fear led to the dark side, but that hate and fear used properly could be used for good, which prompted her to ask me whether or not it was wrong for a Jedi Knight to fall in love, not able to answer the one question that could have kept her from transforming into the savage beast that made her say all of those heinous remarks, blaming myself for all of the damage that she caused for my heart and my mental health.  I knew not every single little screw up that Rey made was my fault, but I did know that this one was, all of this happened because of a silly little question that I have been trying to figure out for myself for seven years, the strange wonder eating away at my thoughts and keeping me up at night.