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Chapter 22

"What happens in life is out of our control.

The only thing we can control is how we react to events as they unfold."

-

For the billionth time in my life, I asked myself; how did I end up here?

But this time I had a legit answer that, for my defense, convinced me when I thought about it and how it should work...but at what cost?

My eyes roamed my surroundings as everyone in the room were deep in conversations already, leaving me with the awkwardness of my silence as usual.

It's supposed to be my birthday party that, again, I've been convinced to have by Candice and the others. And yet, I feel like it was just another get-together where everyone is having fun...except for me. And that's crazy, it's my own damn birthday!

For the sake of keeping up with my 'plan', I particularly looked for one person and one person only. Marlene.

My mind went to a mini-flashback to this morning when I told everyone that I don't want anything special for my birthday and I was seriously fine with doing nothing, until I heard Marlene interfering in the conversation with new plans of her own. My anxiety couldn't handle the pressure of picturing them all hanging out together without me, even if I don't like celebrating my birthday! I found myself agreeing with the party idea.

And here we are...in the party.

I should feel happy that I'm with them regardless, but lately I've been feeling insecure and anxious for the fact that I might've distanced myself from them for too long that they already replaced me with Marlene. Even if it wasn't intentional.

I won't leave myself imagining this, nope.

"Earth to Jade!" Scarlett waved her hand in front of me in order to snap out of my plotting.

"W-what? Oh, sorry, I kind of zoned out."

"Something in particular on your mind?" She asked me, I glanced at Marlene one more time, then back at Scarlett.

"Yeah, actually, there is." I paused, she waited for me to continue. "Don't you think that you guys got really close with Marlene too fast? It feels like she's practically your best friend now." I rubbed my hand against my neck nervously.

"We're not befriending her because we feel sorry for her, Marlene is actually pretty cool."

"Yeah, but now it feels like I'm the one you're befriending." I honestly said, feeling more pathetic now that I'm saying it out loud.

"Someone's jealous!" Scar smirked, taking a sip from her cup.

"No, I'm not! I-I'm just saying what I observe with my own eyes, that's all." Maybe Scar wasn't the best option for opening up such conversation, I didn't think it through and now I'm sure she won't understand.

"Chill, dude. Nobody's replacing anyone with anyone." I sighed, finally realizing that she won't get it.

"Sure. I'll go get more drinks." I faked a smile, making any excuse just to end this useless conversation now.

I thought that having best friends is to have this unbreakable faith that whatever happened- whether you get distracted by life or you're no longer able to stay in touch every single day- that won't ever change your place in their lives. I'm supposed to feel safe and assured that they can do whatever they want to do, as long as I know I won't be forgotten.

But here we are, at my own birthday party and I feel as an outcast as ever. I don't feel like I belong, even with my friends. I can't be my weird comfortable self because all I can think about is how they're already tired of it and will fall in love with Marlene even more.