safety pin

Chapter 11

"You can't heal what you can't confront."

-

n i a l l

My mind was like a gray cloud of thoughts and over-thinking. Thoughts that weren't pretty, thoughts that took over my mind that made me stop acting clearly at all. I Have no idea why I'm thinking that way or why I did what I did, but I couldn't hide that feeling inside of me, which was anger. I don't know how it got inside of me, but I keep playing what happened over and over again and I just feel it all over again, repeatedly. Part of me is telling me that I was overreacting and that I shouldn't have done it, and the other part is just angry. I couldn't sleep these nights from all these thoughts wandering around in my head even though it's been three days now, it feels like constant torture for me.

"Earth to Niall!" My thoughts were cut off by Chloe's voice. We were in her house, eating breakfast and I zoomed out, again. It's just...I never had a fight with Jade before- if this was even a fight and it made me feel so bad that I did it, I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have said nothing. I couldn't just stand there and pretend like nothing happened, she hid that she was dating him from me and she didn't even tell me why, she didn't even try to explain herself. She just sat there and said nothing more.

But how can I explain why I was that mad, when I couldn't even explain it to myself? It always comes back to me feeling that I'm overreacting. How am I suppose to fix it when I don't know what went wrong? All I know is that she's my best friend and those past months we spent hanging out together made me the happiest, she makes me happy.

Everything about her makes me happy, she doesn't look that happy all the time and that's because of everything she went through, but I was willing to do anything to bring that beautiful smile back on her face.

"Sorry, love, what were you saying?" I asked, scratching the back of my neck nervously.

"As I was saying, I'm gonna finish some work I have today and when I'm done we can go watch a movie tonight! What do you say?" She asked, taking the last bite of her omelet. Clearly I wasn't in a mood for watching movies, not even a little bit, but I can't tell her no because she barely has anytime to spend it with me and maybe when we watch together it will make me feel a any better.

no it won't, my subconscious added

"Of course, babe." I said with a smile, reaching to kiss her cheek. She smiled back at me and with that she took her plate and mine with her to the kitchen. I sighed, realizing that I'm a big total idiot.

I took out my phone from my back pocket and started to type a message for Candice.

'Can you come to Chloe's? Really need to talk.'

I typed the message and clicked send. A minute later my phone buzzed as in a new message, it was from Candice.

'Candyy;

Sure thing bud! Lemme finish some work and I'll be there.'

Candice was always so nice to me even when we sometimes stop socializing or communicating together for a while, whenever we meet again she makes it feel like nothing happened, it's like we were never a part and that's something I really admired about her and it's also a reason why I like to hang out with her, Grace and Scar too.

"I'm leaving now! See you in a bit babe." Chloe yelled as she was already headed to the door. I couldn't even reply as she closed the door behind her quickly.

I shook my head slightly, getting going. I grabbed my laptop from it's bag and sat on the couch to do some work- yes, I actually work. I just don't try to work a lot because I clearly don't need money. It feels fine sometimes to work from time to time, and right now is a pretty good timing since I want to do anything to draw my mind away from what's been bothering me for days now.