safety pin

Chapter 29

"I've always felt like I wasn't ready for love —  like how my edges are specifically jogged in such a way that I can never truly feel attached."

-

The next thing I know, I found Steve taking my hand in his after we ordered, leading me to the furthest table in the room. I can tell that we started doing this ever since yesterday, but I was too drunk that I missed out on how good it actually felt holding each other's hands.

Isn't it funny how you spend your life thinking you're not missing out on anything, then one time you hold hand with someone and suddenly it becomes all you ever think about, all the goddamn time?

It's not like it was the first time for me, but each person that I held hands with left a different trace of finger prints on my skin. Just like I wrote before; some left a horrible memory that I wished I could erase, and some felt like the highlight of my life, despite the fact that they're no longer part of it— turned out I was both kinds of people after all.

I felt the loneliness of my hand once again as he had to let it go so that we can sit down across from each other.

"So," Steve started to grab my attention. "Can you finally tell me what's your plan here?" He asked, curiosity were gonna pop out from his eyes. I tried to hold a giggle from how much he's suffering from his curiosity.

"Hm, maybe after I put some food in my belly. Turns out I was hungry after all!" I faked some excitement just to let him suffer for a while. And it worked as he groaned loudly. 

"Alright, then. Keep your secrets." He shrugged.

He didn't say anything after that, and not that I minded it, but it also felt weird that he actually had it in him to go a few minutes without cracking jokes or try to annoy me to death because he knows he can. But I didn't want to clearly show it, I just kept trying to eat my pizza in peace as the waiter placed it on our table.

An hour passed by and we finished eating...in silence, and I guess he really did entirely gave up on the idea that I might tell him anything. And I can't blame him for that though. 

"Fine. I'll tell you." I, all of a sudden, said as soon as we got out, rolling my eyes dramatically. I hate to admit it, but going through this silence was way too dreadful than I originally thought. He deadass just stared at me, waiting to see whether I'm actually welling to finally tell him this time or not.

"That guy who's in the photographs behind the cashier, Ashton, is Marlene's one and only friend- or was, since they fell apart, hence why I found her crying in the bar that night...well, among other reasons." I began explaining to him my plan and how I decided to reach out for this Ashton guy to make amends with each other and that will convince Marlene to leave my life for good.

We walked to Ashton's house while I was catching up Steve to the plan since his house wasn't that far away anyways. The atmosphere, despite everything around us and the situation we were in, felt nice. 

"Wow." Was the first thing that came out of Steve after I finished telling him the plan. "Remind me to never underestimate you, like ever."

"As if you have a choice." I cheekily replied, totally forgetting the tension that was between us a minute ago. "So you're not gonna disapprove of this plan, then?" I asked, mentally preparing myself for Steve's voice of reason, telling me that I'm going a little crazy.

"Why would I? You already look like you got everything figured out, I'm just lucky enough to be along for the ride." He impressed me by saying. 

"I'm glad you're less grumpy than before though," He paused, "If anything, I really enjoyed drunk Jade's company."