Rising | Thomas Shelby

the return of carl

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We stood just holding each other for a while, whilst we all controlled our sobs and started to calm down when the front door opened.
I held my breath not knowing who to expect to walk through the door. "Oi Pol! Where are ya?" I knew before I even saw him, it was Arthur. A smile had made its way onto my face, I had missed Arthur beyond words.

"The kitchen, come quick there's a surprise in here for you!" Arthur makes his way into the kitchen and looks around to everyone before grabbing a chair, "Hiya girls" he says as he looks down as he makes his drink.
"Hi Arth" I spoke trying not to laugh at how he didn't even notice me yet. He raised his head nodding at me then looked up again, spilling the whiskey everywhere. "What the fuck? Scar is that you?" he questions as he rushes towards me, I giggle as he picks me up in a tight hug, spinning me round whilst giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Yes Arthur it's me" I say as I lean back to get a proper good look at him.

He'd obviously aged, the war had tired him out. Looking much older than I remember. He was now 32, an actual man and he looked it. Still as handsome as ever just a little more rugged. I teasingly stroked his moustache when he set me down. "Carl seriously what the fuck?" I rolled my eyes at the old nickname, when I was growing up he always called me Carl it used to annoy the shit out of me as a little girl but right in this moment it makes me so happy. Over the years whilst I was constantly questioning if all the Shelby boys survived, all I wanted was to hear him call me Carl once again.

"Seriously, after all these years you're still calling me Carl?" I acted annoyed. "Don't you know that's what's written on your headstone? I had it changed when I got back!" he joked. "Must be why I'm still alive then!" I chuckled. He laughed along with me before bringing me in for another squeeze.
"Oh how happy I am you're not dead my little lett" he said burying his head into my neck. "You were always a charmer Arth, Ive missed you old man."

I heard him sniffle into my neck and I pulled him a little tighter. I looked over at Ada and Polly who gestured they were going to go to another room to give us some privacy. Arthur wasn't worried to be emotional around me, in private he always told me how he really felt about everything. I stroked his hair as I felt tears prick to my eyes. "I'm so sorry A" I felt awful, I had over the past 2 years. I didn't wish for them to all grieve me but it had to be done just for a while before I could actually let anyone know that I had survived.

"What happened Scar? Why didn't you let us know? Do you know how hurt I was when I came back and you weren't there to greet me?" He sobbed into my shoulder. The guilt overtaking my body as I let my own tears fall. "I know, Arthur. I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner, but Im back now. I've done what I needed to do and I'm here to stay."

Arthur slowly let go of me and I brought my hands to his face to wipe away his tears. "Im so sorry Arthur, truly, you gotta know how terrible I feel. I wanted to be there when you got off that train, I wanted to make sure you were alive. I saw how awful it was first hand Arthur. I can't imagine how awful it's been dealing with those memories since. You're one of my best friends even still, I wanted to be there for you, so you could confide me and I could confide in you. The amount of times I wish you were there to talk to, you and I had the greatest chats and you always made me feel better. I'm so sorry."

"Oh little lett..." he began whilst wiping my tears from my face. "I was heartbroken, but when I found out that you had gone to france to volunteer I was so proud of you, my little girl. You must've seen such awful things. Bet your patients thought they had gone to heaven to see such an angel." he joked and I giggled.

"Please forgive me Arth" he just tutted at me and squeezed me tight, kissing my on the head "Only if you give me a kiss darling." I laughed, rolling my eyes at the man, I gave him a big kiss on his cheek.
We just held each other for a while before he started to tickle my sides, remembering how much it would make me laugh. I squealed loudly begging him to stop in between my laughs, Polly and Ada took that as a sign that they could come back into the room.
"Fancy that, aye, Carl here faking her death!" I laughed loudly. "Hey! I didn't fake my own death, they put me down as dead and I just went along with it!"

"Why did they think you was dead anyways?" Ada asked, I quietened down and light up a cigarette. I hated thinking about it. "As nurses you got put into set groups of around 5/6 girls" I started as I sat down. Everyone else sat down as well, Arthur pouring me another drink. "My group had 5 girls and out there you make bonds with these girls like no other. They're your sisters, so our group was really close. Some of my best friends. There was Louise, she was my closest friend out there. Then Jane, she was so beautiful, Arthur you would've loved her." I say with a smile while thinking back on the girls. "Lucy, she was so sweet and kind. Elizabeth, she was trouble always ditching the group to go see the soldiers and tending to their other needs, if you catch my drift" I say with a smirk thinking back on her antics. "then there was me. That was my team, we worked hours on hours. Usually until you passed out, 16+ days of hard work. Constant blood, gore and guts it was awful. But anyways, one night we were walking around the tents, joking around we had just finished our shift"

I paused as I took a sip of my drink, thinking back to that night. "I remember it being freezing cold, we were huddled as close as we could be, to get back to our bunks it was a long way round but sometimes when it was really cold we used to go the shortcut which was really advised against cause you were in the open for about 10 metres but we had done it so much we never thought much of it. That night we decided to do it, I had forgotten my diary back at the nurses station so I said for them to go on without me. As I walking back I could see them up front just hyping each other up before running sneakily by the opening. As they ran across though. The germans had planted a bomb in that opening for the soldiers that were coming into the hospital. We should've listened, we should've just sucked up the cold and went the long way back. They only found some remains of Louise and Jane. None of Lucy or Liz or subsequently me. I watched this all happen. They had just thought I had been also caught in the blast and had died but I hadn't." I took a deep breath, quickly wiping my eyes dry of the tears that fell.

Those were my girls. I should've been with them. I was the one who suggested to go the short cut. Now I had to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.
I was so busy telling my story, I hadn't noticed another member walked into the room.

He had stayed quiet, listening to the whole story before coming into the room to confirm it had been his Scar talking. He looked at her and really took her in, she had grown up. Her brown hair still wavy, styled messily half up half down, just as he liked it. she had lost her baby fat, really grown into herself. Her dark brown eyes hold a lot of sadness and darkness, much the same as his. It was his Scar, alive in the flesh. She hadn't died. The relief lifted from his shoulders.