Rising | Thomas Shelby

proposals & hand grenades

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It has been a few days since Cheltenham, Thomas and I had spent a lot of time sneaking around with each other. We never discussed whether we should sneak about but it just sort of happened. Before anybody else found out, we needed to make sure we knew what we are. Also, if people were to found out then word would get to Grace and our plans would be ruined.

Tommy had ended up staying round a few more times, we either just fell asleep or it was so late there was no point of him going home. Thomas liked staying round, being away from the opium was good for him. Scar didn't know how much of a positive impact she had on him and his health.

I was drinking my morning tea whilst looking out the window when Tommy came up behind me and wrapped his arms round my waist and leaning his head on my shoulder. "What are you pondering about, aye?" he asks giving me a kiss on the side of my neck. "It's my date with John today" I breathed out, I was nervous about what he wanted to say to me. Not sure on how i'll handle it if he does end up confessing his love for me.
Thomas subconsciously wrapped his arms slightly tighter. He really didn't want to me to go, he too was nervous on what his brother will say. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself and just hums in response. I turn myself around to face him, giving him a small kiss. "When are you going to ask me on a date, Mr Shelby?" Raising my eyebrows at the man, "I still have to take you on a date?" He jokes, tutting. "But I already know you like me" he whines.
I playfully shove his chest and walk towards the wardrobe as I decide what to wear. "I got to go but just know that when this is all over, i'll take you on the grandest date ever love. I promise" I saunter towards him, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. "Don't have to much fun on your date with John boy, I'll be jealous" and with one last kiss he was out the door.

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John had decided he wanted to make me a little picnic so he made some food and we went down to the canals. John sure knew how to impress a girl. He had made little sandwiches none of which had fish as he remembered that I hated fish. I was amazed at how much effort he had put in, I found out later that actually Pol had made the food but the rest of the date was all his idea. We spent an hour just eating and catching up. Joking about like we had in the past.

"So Scarlett, there is something I really want to talk to you about. Sort of the main reason I had asked you to come on this date with me" John was looking intently at me whilst he spoke. I had spent the last hour really hoping that he had just forgotten all about the things he needed to talk to me about as I fear what it is.
"Whatever it is John, you know you can talk to me" I smile up at him. John then looked down at his lap, coughing into his hand before taking a deep breath in. "As you know life without Martha has been hard on me. I mean the kids, I love them but I can't keep up. I need help Scar." John admitted. I reach my hand to rest on his arm, I had a feeling that wasn't it so I eagerly pushed him to carry on. "I need help, with it all. The kids, me and life. I just need help, hell I need a wife Scarlett. Then there is you, you have been there, my family already see you as part of the family and the kids, they love you and you're great with them. I was just thinking maybe.." he slows down. I try to keep a steady face. This is much worse than just confessing his feelings for me. He's fucking proposing. "Maybe you would wanna marry me?" My eyes are so bulged they might pop out of my skull. He notices it and grabs me by the shoulders. "Look I know it sounds crazy, but just think about it. You know me, I'll treat you so good. I've loved you for a while now Scar. You're so kind, smart and the prettiest fucking thing I've ever seen. Like I said the family already love you. I know it's a shock and a big decision but I just thought you might, I don't know, want to I guess?" John starts rambling on.
"Where has this come from John? W-what? You want to marry me? You love me? This is all too much" I stand, I need air, even though i'm in the middle of a field. I need to get air into my lungs. I started to pace, I will briefly stop and look at John every now and again before pacing again.
"John.. you know I love you, as a friend, but this is fucking huge. You can't just drop this on me! Oh my God" I had raised my voice out of pure stress. What the fuck was I going to say? I can't marry John. Just this morning I was in bed with his brother! Fuck. Have I led him on? Have I made him believe that I would want to marry him?
"John..." he can tell by my face what my answer would be, he just walks over to me hugging me tight. "It's alright Scar, seriously. I know it's a big thing, I just thought i'd ask, i'd never forgive myself if I didn't just see what you would say." His kindness made me want to shoot myself. I was such a bitch. "I'm so sorry John, I just.. can't. I know it's hard right now but the right girl for you is out there Johnny, I know she is. You just got to keep looking."
John just nodded and sadly smiled at me so I just hugged him again.