It's been a week since i told sammy I loved him, he told me he loved me back.. but it's been keeping me up each night.
do I actually love him? do i even know what love is... questions filled my mind.
we've been saying it a lot now, but every time i say it, i become more un sure of it. It's not like I can take it back.
love is such a strong word, i tell johnson I love him all the time but as a friend way, I guess.
"what are you thinking about?" sammy asked, we were laying down on our bed.
i shook my head and turned around to face the wall, thinking of johnson. I miss him more than anything, I miss gilinsky and mike too.
he called me a couple times this week but I didn't answer any of them,
"are you okay?" he asked and I nodded my head not wanting to really talk to him.
he hates me talking to johnson, but he can't really control me.
minutes passed and it was too silent,
"what are you doing today" I asked
"there's another party tonight, we can go if you want," he said,
last night Cameron, nash, and matt came over to check the place out. the three of them were really nice,
"that's fine" i simply said getting up off of the bed and into the bathroom across the hall.
i looked at myself in the mirror, I look like shit. dark black circles were under my eyes from lack of sleep, I tried sleeping but there's always something on my mind and it keeps me up late at night.
there was a gentle knock on the door and it opened, sammy stood there shirtless with his hair pointing in all different directions.
"why are you being so silent?" he asked walking towards me and sitting on the edge of the bath tub.
I shrugged my shoulders and he grabbed my waist pulling me closer.
I sat on his lap and tugged on his hair, he's always liked when i did that.
"remember the first time we met?" he asked as i pulled his hair and I slightly nodded, remembering the time.
i was surfing, I haven't even surfed since then... i remember I saw him and i thought he was the most gorgeous boy I've ever met, well he is.
"you don't understand how attracted i was too you," I said and he chuckled
"dito," he paused. "i remember seeing you in that bathing suit, which was the hottest thing I've ever seen"
he kissed my neck, bringing me back to when i moaned Johnson's name, I miss him so much. I know I'm dating sammy but johnson was always there for me and he was my best friend.
interrupting are moment my phone went off causing me to get off sammy and run to the bedroom, a curious sammy followed me.
"who is it," he asked
I looked at the caller id, it's johnson.
"johnson," i said declining the call and locking my phone. Ignoring his calls is killing me.
"he knows your taken, im not sure why he keeps bugging you." sammy said
"he's my friend." i said, he's pissing me off.
sammy never really properly asked me out, or we never really went on a proper date. he just told people i was his girlfriend and that was it,
"block his number"
I laughed going into are closest, it's been almost more then a week and i still haven't un packed fully.
I picked out a red dress for the party tonight,
"what is funny?" he asked
"you can't tell me to block his number and expect me to listen sammy,"
he was too silent, i looked over to him and he was pissed. I could tell.
"fine, let me go call Mallory and ask if she wants to fuck tonight" he said storming out of the room.
i then herd the front door slamming shut signaling he left me alone, with no car.
we were just kissing each other, talking about the first time we met and then he goes and talks about fucking another girl.
this is getting old, if he's gonna be jealous of johnson then this relationship will not work out.
i decided to call johnson, i feel bad i have been ignoring him.
"hello," he answered.
"hey, i am so sorry.. i know i always say that but i am. I've been ignoring your calls and I moved to LA without telling you," I rambled on.
"i know" he half whispered.
"cameron, he called me and told me you were at a party," he explained.
i let out a sigh and sat on the bed throwing the dress down on the floor, i don't even want to go to this party now.
"I can't believe you moved in with him" He sighed, I know johnson.... I know.
"this is all too much, he just told me he was going to call and fuck mallory and he left me with no car or anything"
"what, why would he say that,"
"because you were calling me, he wants me to stop talking to you.. which won't ever happen" i assured him
he sighed, i can just imagine him putting his hands through his blonde hair.
"we have a fight ever day, like when i first got too LA he got mad at me for moaning your name," i accidentally said.
why the fuck did i just tell him that.
"sorry i don't know why i told you that" I mumbled hoping he didn't hear me.
"you moaned my name?" he slightly giggled.
"yeah, he was pissed."
